Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

CAPTAIN DAN THE DEMON DWARF


Well...uh...I just read this from the Associated Foreign Press:

EDINBURGH (AFP) - A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or "Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf", was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.

He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalization.

"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed AE with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said.


The moral of this story?
The next time you feel guilty about wasting time; reading Star Magazine or watching any programming that features Mo'Nique or some faded 80's heart throb, remember this:
At least you aren't being entertained by a dwarf with a vacuum stuck on his cock.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

A few elements are missing from this story. What kind of glue was it? What kind of vacuum was it? There is good advertising potential here.

Anonymous said...

Does anybody else remember that old superglue commercial with the guy in a hard hat, gluing himself to a beam? I'm thinking they need to do one with this dwarf and his penis.

Anonymous said...

Okay I just found it. It was Krazy Glue--

http://www.retrojunk.com/details_commercial/2398/

a former audio-spud said...

(going for the obvious pun) That sucks. Talk about a blow-job gone horribly wrong... My only question is, "why?"