Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Friday, May 30, 2008


The Sex and The City movie opens today.
I am seriously dreading the hordes of shrieking tourists infiltrating the city, drawn by a love of their favorite show, wearing what they presume is the New York Look (this tends to be whatever black items they have in their closet) arguing over who the "Carrie" of the group is.

They will giggle and sip Cosmos.
They will talk about their love of "cute shoes".
They will take pictures in front of the Carrie Bradshaw stoop.
They will ask for directions to Tao and The Magnolia Bakery.

They will revel in the glory of shuffling down the same streets as "the Sex and the City girls". They will say how amazing New York is. How friendly people are, how they want to move here. They will get a bit drunk and shout out their favorite quotes from the show. They will live life large. They will be "fabulous".

But mostly they will inspire me to sneer and mutter,
"Shut your fuckin' pieholes you flabby shitstains."


Carrie Bradshaw's Pittsburg Clone said...

Hellooo Lover!

Magnolia Bakery is Overrated said...

This cupcake filling tastes like funky spunk.

Big said...

I'm so ab-sol-fuckin'-lutely over SATC.

Pam from Cleveland said...

I love Sex and the City!
My friends and I are TOTALLY like Samantha, Miranda, Carrie and Charlotte. Except, like, you know, if the show was in Cleveland. We drink Cosmos at Applebys after work and talk about sex ALL THE TIME!
Look out New York! We've got our sexy 9 West heels and we're coming to party down in your town!
Does anyone know where we can stay for around 100 dollars a night?

Kelly from Cleveland (The Carrie of the group) said...

100 bucks a night? Pam, it's not like we need to stay at the Plaza or something.
Let's shoot for 80 dollars a night. That we have more money to buy more cute shoes! LOL! :)

Charlotte from Cleveland (ironically, the Charlotte of the gorup) said...

Great news, girls! There's an Applebees in Times Square! And, the blogs tell me there's a "Ruby Tuesday" too! Does anyone have any hairspray? I just snagged my nude pantyhose...