Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Thursday, October 28, 2010


Patti Stanger, I’ve noticed that you and your two Goth love wranglers have descended upon NYC for a new season of “The Millionaire Matchmaker”.
You’ve proclaimed that us New Yorkers are in dire need of your dating advice.
Well, that may be.
But when you had the nerve to say that New York women aren’t as stylish as L.A. women, that’s when I say: back it up, bitch.
It’s the East Coast -West Coast style divide and I’m here to represent.

Let's kick this off with a few defining factors about New York Style:

1. Unlike L.A., most of us live without a car here in New York. So our style is both fashionable and functional. We actually walk in this town. A lot. You might have a business meeting in Midtown, a lunch date in TriBeCa and then cheer on a friend doing a poetry reading in the Bowery. Moreover, we run up and down the stairs to our walk-up apartments, chase down the hot guy who just crossed the street and sprint for the bus in our cute shoes. We navigate sidewalk grates, subway steps, and those clanging metal doors that shield underground caverns below restaurants and delis.

2. Walking more than you do, we battle things you L.A. women don’t have to worry about—like mud puddles, dripping AC window units and gusts of hot air whooshing up from subway grates. We can handle the unexpected with flair. As a result, New York women are savvy, smart and capable. A New York woman can hail a cab, text her boyfriend and tell the jackass on the stoop to fuck off—all at the same time.

3. We're on display more than you. You can go to a restaurant, show off your revealing outfit then retreat to your car. We can't. The sidewalks here are perpetual runways.

4. Unlike L.A, New York has real seasons. So we have more diverse ways of expressing our personal style than you do. We look adorable in our gloves and hats in the winter, our rain boots in the spring, our flirty dresses in the summer and our chic trench coats in the fall.

5. We believe in diversity of beauty. We don't have a cookie cutter, botoxed, plastic surgery-sculpted definition of what a woman should look like. We appreciate women of all sizes, ethnic backgrounds and fashion perspectives.

6. This is reflected in our after hours style too. In L.A., it seems like you just wear as little as possible and that’s considered stylish club attire. And sure—L.A. is full of beautiful women. You’ve got tanned skin and toned thighs and you look great. You’re very sexy. But we're sexy in New York too. The difference is, when we head out for the night, we take the opportunity to try out outrageous looks, unique styles. If you look around a New York club or bar, you might find a sexy librarian, a retro 60s seductress, a motorcycle hellion, a glamazon. It’s not just about showing flesh. It’s about showcasing style.

And while we’re on the subject of clubbing--when New York women go out, we go out. We’ve got stamina. That defines us too. There’s no finer sight than coming home as the sun is rising over the East River.

Now, I visit L.A. on a regular basis. And I love your town. It's great. But your bars and clubs shut down absurdly early. People are booted out on the street at 1:30 am. What’s worse…many of them actually go home. Like, to sleep.

This is totally uncivilized.

New York women are just getting started at 1:30. On a Thursday. When there’s a sales presentation scheduled for 10am the next morning.

In conclusion:
Patti Stanger, alias Millionaire Matchmaker, I wouldn’t dream of speaking on behalf of my city.
New Yorkers are quite capable of doing that for themselves.
It’s what we do best.
But from me to you: Patti, you don’t know shit about true style.

New York women kick ass…and look damn good doing it.


Anonymous said...

As a fellow new yorker I absolutely agree with your rebuttal and was completely taken back by her comments on the ladies of New York in need of some style. With regard to her comments on our grooming, plenty of us ladies in New York City get our hair blown out on a regular basis and get manicures and pedicures. There are so many beautiful woman in New York City. We are not all plastic, big boobed, bleached blondes as you may find in L.A. where all the girls look exactly the same. That's style-looking exactly the same???? We all come from diverse backgrounds in my city and are all exotically lovely in our own ways.

vjdutton said...

Amen! The diversity of style in New York is what makes our city so glorious.

Anonymous said...

Please. When you defrost your glasses only then will you see that the only women that are the most attractive are the west coast ladies with their sun kissed skin, blue/green eyes , bloned hair. NYC ladies are as cold and bitter as that concrete jungle of a city you live in. Ooohhh yea CA baby

vjdutton said...

You just emphasized my point. No one is denying that California has plenty of beautiful, tanned, blonde babes. I'm saying that New York has beautiful women too, and we don't have just one standard of beauty. We appreciate all types of women here.