Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Monday, May 24, 2010


First things first: tabouli isn't the best thing to eat for breakfast. Not sure why really. And I keep waiting for the day when I'll just magically get one of those fully-stocked, well-organized adult refrigerators packed with Tupperware and I won't have to eat weird shit for breakfast. I'll eat toast with delicious raspberry jam or maybe chocolate chip pancakes. But somehow, I still wind up eating tabouli, a pickle and a hunk of stale cheese.

I just read this headline: "Man Sucked into Sausage Seasoning Machine".

Now, I hasten to add that this man from Danvers, Massachusetts is okay. And he probably ate a better, less tabouli-centric breakfast than me today.

It's just that...I don't think it's possible to live that down. The Sausage Seasoning Machine Incident will be incorporated into wedding toasts, bar stories, family lore and each time someone introduces him to someone new, it will be followed up with "He was sucked into a sausage seasoning machine once."

He might as well just get the t-shirt printed up and embrace it.

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