"DO IT YOURSELF" GONE TOO FAR

While calmly drinking coffee, I came across this harrowing news item:

LONDON (AFP) - Falling numbers of state dentists in England has led to some people taking extreme measures, including extracting their own teeth, according to a new study released Monday.

Others have used superglue to stick crowns back on, rather than stumping up for private treatment, said the study. One person spoke of carrying out 14 separate extractions on himself with pliers.

"This is an uncomfortable read for all of us, and poses serious questions to politicians from patients," said Sharon Grant of the Commission for Patient and Public Involvement in Health.

Overall, six percent of patients had resorted to self-treatment, according to the survey of 5,000 patients in England, which found that one in five had decided against dental work because of the cost.

One researcher involved in compiling the study -- carried out by members of England's Patient and Public Involvement Forums -- came across three people in one morning who had pulled out teeth themselves.


Okay, now the temptation here is to make the stale, requisite jokes about British teeth. But I'm not interested in that. Instead, I'd like to take the opportunity to compile a list of things that one should never be tempted to do in your own home, with or without a Home Depot salesperson's advice:

1.) See Above
2.) Removal of any internal organs with a Bic razor
3.) Constructing any sort of teletransporter device using a wrench and Silly Putty
4.) Slaughtering a pig with Macy's gift set knife and making your own sausage
5.) Giving oneself a boob job using bubble wrap/styrofoam peanuts as the stuffing