THE LAST CELL PHONE HOLD OUT

The last cell phone hold out.
That's me.
Yeah, you heard me. I don't have a cell phone.
I ain't lyin'!
People think I'm completely insane. And, they're right. I'm a loon.
But the reactions I get when I reveal this shocking bit of info are pretty funny. I might as well follow it up by explaining that I get to work each day in a covered wagon.

It's just that I don't want to be so...available. I don't want people thinking they can reach me whenever they want.
While you probably can't imagine not being able to negotiate a night out or call your pals at any given moment, I can't imagine being tethered to a phone. The very notion sends a chill down my spine.

Plus, I like chance encounters. Cell phones tend to ensure more certainty. Happenstance is hard to come by these days, when you know exactly where someone is going to be at any given moment.
Think about it: If Romeo and Juliet had cell phones, nobody would have died.

(Huh. That doesn't really illustrate my point too well, does it? In fact, that could be an ad campaign, now that I think about it. Famous fictional tragedies that could have been avoided with cell phones. Nokia, are you listening?)

But of course I have a landline. And check this out--
With a little help from Pottery Barn, I made a replica of Salvador Dali's Lobster Phone:


And here's the original Dali Lobster phone, created in 1936:


And here's my dad eating lobster in Honolulu, circa 1977:

Yeah, I know.
Not the most coherent post.
But if you came to Peon Confidential for clarity, you're in the wrong place.
The sooner you learn that, the better off you'll be...