Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Thursday, November 11, 2010


Fellow Peons, I was not prepared for this news. No, I never thought I'd be penning an ode to the Tuberous Bushcricket. Yet here I am, clacking away. You see, according to the AFP, this little species of bushcricket has the biggest balls of any creature in the whole world!

Now, some of you out there might be thinking, "No fucking way, man. My goolies are way bigger than that little fucker's nutsack."

But you'd be wrong. Dead wrong. Because this Testicle Titan drags around a set of stones that are 13.8 percent of his body mass. That's like your sorry cock nestled in between two tires weighing 22 pounds each.

So today when you're stuck in traffic or an elevator in which Ned from Accounting just unleashed a toxic fart, remember the Tuberous Bushcricket, and realize your troubles are very small in comparison.

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