Wednesday, August 01, 2007
HAPPY 1st ANNIVERSARY!
Peon Confidential is a year old! Over the past year, we've shared stories of Peon drudgery and moments of glory, tried to solve Blind Items, offered up (vaguely) sensible advice to college students, exchanged juicy gossip, and made up Barry Manilow inspired songs about Roz the Hashslinger.
So for today's post, I'm going to take a cue from 1980's sitcom writers who got lazy a few times a year and offered up clip shows instead of new storylines. For example--
SCENE: Blanche, Dorothy, Rose and Sophia are sitting around the kitchen table, eating cheese cake.
DOROTHY: Blanche, do you remember how we first met at the supermarket?
BLANCHE: How could I forget it? You rammed your shopping cart into mine with those big manly hands of yours.
CUE SLOW DISSOLVE
So in the spirit of a Golden Girls clip show, I'd like to take this opportunity to offer up some highlights of our first year together...
Peon Confidential kicks off with memories of food theft accusations in Read Me, Sports Department Pussy Warriors, and the tragic tale of The Stolen Vagina.
CHINESE PENIS TRANSPLANT.
I describe the art of fine dining on a Peon budget, and reveal fear of both the weird stains on the breakroom sofa and Rachael Ray
An important month at Peon Confidential, as Joe Kinstel's despotic "Dockers Mandate" was brought to light. Also brought to light: evidence that as an infant, I looked just like CNN's Lou Dobbs
We learn how
A) CNN's PR hotline was used for porn/masturbatory purposes
B) a woman's flatulence caused a plane to make an emergency landing
The first month of 2007 brought us a harrowing Dockers-related incident AND a Dead File Mishap
The heroic saga of Captain Waterbed
We unearth The Lone Pube Phenomenon
Lone Pube Art, a Roz File update and a University of Michigan student writes in asking for advice from us reformed Peons
We come up with several alternative artifacts for the Newseum in D.C., and discuss the pressing problem of Drunk Downloading
It's a month full of undesirables: Criminal Garden Gnomes, Unemployed Cereal Mascots and a Talk Back Live Hooligan
Lost crushes revealed!
Litter box loons!
And here we are a year later, still writing and sharing useless, goofy stories.
Here's to you Peon Confidential readers! Thanks for making this blog so much fun...