Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Thursday, August 09, 2007


Read this yesterday from the Associated Press:

A man smuggled a monkey onto an airplane Tuesday, stashing the furry fist-size primate under his hat until passengers spotted it perched on his ponytail, an airline official said.

The monkey escapade began in Lima, Peru, late Monday, when the man boarded a flight to Fort Lauderdale, Fla., said Spirit Airlines spokeswoman Alison Russell. After landing Tuesday morning, the man waited several hours before catching a connecting flight to LaGuardia Airport.

During the flight, people around the man noticed that the marmoset, which normally lives in forests and eats fruit and insects, had emerged from underneath his hat, Russell said.

"Other passengers asked the man if he knew he had a monkey on him," she said.

While the hat method was ingenious (and downright Dr. Seussian in its absurdity) I started to think of other ways in which a person could smuggle a "furry, fist-size primate". Those methods include:

1. Under one of Ice T's classy girlfriend CoCo's gigantic boobs.
2. Tucked into Amy Winehouse's hair.
3. Up the roomy hoo-hoo of that Arkansas woman with 17 kids.
4. In John Goodman's armpit.
5. Camoflaged in Burt Reynold's chest hair.


Curious George said...

"The other passengers asked if he knew he had a monkey on him"

It sounds like they were just telling him he had a glob of toothpaste on his shirt or something.

"Oh really? There's a monkey on me? Damn. I thought I took care of that before I left the house."

Anonymous said...

Alternative method of disguise:
monkey bleached and placed on cranium, to simulate the closely trimmed applesauce pubes atop the scalp of dancer Justin Timberlake, monkey thus hiding in plain sight.

a former audio-spud said...

Or, as an alternative to the aformentioned "Timberlake Method", one could take the miniscule primate and slap it on one's head in the "Shatner Technique", again hiding the illicit mammal in plain sight.