Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Monday, September 17, 2007

5 NEW CELEBRATIONS FOR MARTHA


So-
I was walking around the K-Mart at Astor Place when I came across the Martha Stewart Everyday Collection of picture frames.
Now, they were attractive enough. But what irritated me was that within the frames were ideas on how to use them. It was as though Martha thought people needed help figuring out which types of tender moments were deemed worthy of her beautiful frames. There were suggestions along the lines of, "Our Wedding Day" or "Baby's 1st Birthday" or "Dancing with Daddy" or "Good Friends".

It seems to me that by pushing these types of suggestions she is limiting her customer base. Why neglect the trashier shoppers with money to burn? Aren't their memories worth preserving too? Did she learn nothing from her prison experience? What about:

1. Mom's Parole Day
2. My 1st Bukake
3. Visiting Daddy At The Treatment Center
4. The DNA Results Are Back!
5. Granny's Black Eye

6 comments:

anseladams said...

My first bukake...would that be a black and white photo?

Annie Leibovitz said...

No Ansel, we were considering it for the cover of Vanity Fair.

Anonymous said...

6. Cousin Larry's unwraps a holiday felch tube

7. Uncle Mel caught on tape in a touching frottage moment on the subway

8. Grandpa sneakin' up on Granny with a tangy curtis on his mind

Martha's Trashy Friend Tina said...

9. Aunt Janice's First Night Working The Pole at The Strip Joint off of 1-95

A former sudio-spud said...

10. Cousin Earl's Graduation from third grade and release from the state penitentiary.

J said...

- Our Divorce Is Final
- Brandi's Graduation from Cosmetology School
- My Step-Mother's New Boobs
- Toddlers at the Daytona 500
- Pee Paw's Open-Casket Wake