Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Friday, January 18, 2008


Yesterday I called my parents' house. My Dad and I don't usually talk much. He usually makes a comment about the weather and then hands the phone off to my mom. I love him, but since I'm not a doctor or a hockey enthusiast like he is, our conversational material is limited.
But yesterday, our conversation went like this:

"Hi Dad."
"Hi Kid. I'll tell ya, I've been rethinking my theory on the Human Papilloma Virus. I think it stems from the smegma of uncircumcised men. Women have unprotected sex with uncircumcised men, and are exposed to it. Smegma is the link. Huh. Well, here's your mom. (Shouts in the distance) Honey! The Kid's on the phone!"

In all honesty, I did not even know that "smegma" was a medical term. I certainly did not wish to hear that word so early in the morning...from my Dad.
I think this is why I have a hard time buying him a Father's Day card. They all have sweet pictures of a jolly Dad on a fishing boat, or playing golf or pushing his daughter on the swing set.
I've looked, but none of them have a balding man in a velour track suit, swearing at the hockey game on TV, eating canned soup and talking to his kid about smegma theories.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I hear smegma tastes like chicken.