Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Thursday, January 17, 2008

LINGUISTIC RECYCLING


Due to sheer linguistic laziness, there are several expressions that have been overused to the point of parody. Now the only way these expressions can be uttered is in jest. But the problem is that even in jest they are stale. These are often the "go to" office witticisms. When someone uses them, I want to leap up, grab the nearest stapler and staple their ass shut.
Why the ass and not the mouth? Because this would serve two purposes:

A. They'd stop trying to be funny, as they'd be in pain
B. Seeing a stapled ass (possibly encased in Dockers) would actually make me laugh, unlike their recycled humor

Some of these offending expressions include:

1. "I don't even KNOW you anymore."

2. "How's that workin' for ya?" (Okay-this one is purely Dr. Phil's fault.)

3. "I LOVE you, man."

4. "I just need some ME time, you know?"

5. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you." (People who still think this is funny should be shot, then have their asses stapled shut.)

6. "You're DEAD to me!"

7. "You ROCK!"

Any others? I know I'm missing quite a few irritants...

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL!
YOU GO GIRL!

Your Office Jester said...

Tastes like chicken!

Anonymous said...

You GO, GIRL!!!

Anonymous said...

Hollah!

Anonymous said...

-OH LORD!

-OH NO YOU DIDN'T

Tyra said...

That's FIERCE.

Anonymous said...

I have to go pinch a loaf. Can I BORROW your Post?

Anonymous said...

Are we having fun yet?

serm said...

"Don't go there"
"Tell me how you REALLY feel"
"Cool Beans"

What the fuck are cool beans? I'll tell you: It's a hall of fame expression for asswipes.

Anonymous said...

DIVA

serm said...

-Attaching the suffix "...gate" to any scandalous subject.

Really stale and powerfully unfunny.

Unfunny Asshole said...

Oh now that's gonna leave a mark!

carrie maxwell said...

- "Shut UP!" Thanks, Stacy London!
- "Allllrighty then" Jim Carrey, circa FOREVER ago.
- "Flesh it out" A marketing term gone awry. It's practically morbid.
- "Flush it out" You mean, like, down the toilet?
-"AND?" And, shut it.

a former audio-spud said...

How about any "non-dairy creamer" references? Those who know, know what I'm talking about.