Friday, January 04, 2008
UNEMPLOYED YOUTH ACTIVITIES
Just read this from the Associated Press:
"NEW DELHI - A northern Indian state said Thursday it planned to use unemployed youths to sterilize monkeys to try to combat aggressive primates who have been raiding farms."
This is mildly upsetting. In fact, I feel very grateful that we live in a country where as an unemployed youth I was able to spend my time doing things such as:
1. Raiding the attic for my mom's disco jumpsuits. Then putting on these disco jumpsuits and pretending to be on Broadway, as I belted out "There's No Business Like Show Business" in the bathroom. The acoustics and mirror in there were excellent.
2. Playing endless games of Life, Connect Four, Stratego, and Clue with pals. Of course, I would always demand to be Miss Scarlett, because she was so glamorous. Occasionally, I had to fight for this honor. Once I got stuck being Colonel Mustard. This was unacceptable. A fat fuck with a bad mustache was no match for Miss Scarlett's long cigarette holder.
3. Putting bunched up pillow cases down the back of my pants, thereby creating a massive, bouncing ass and dancing to George Michael's classic "I Want Your Sex".
4. Prank calling teachers, back when there was no Caller ID.
5. Mooning unsuspecting tourists who were returning from magical, quaint Whidbey Island while we were waiting for the Mukilteo ferry.
The point is, as unemployed youths, no one had to sterilize any monkeys.
Three cheers for the Red White and Blue!