Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

FAT TUESDAY


In honor of Mardi Gras, I am sharing this outrageously tacky picture of me in New Orleans, circa 1998. When I found this I wept for my past fashion crimes. I know now what I should have given up for Lent that year, despite being a Lutheran.
Let's just analyze the many degrees of awful featured in this photo:

1. Tight, stone washed jeans; tapered, hitting at the ultra flattering "above the ankle" length.

2. Rayon half shirt.

3. The Donger Belt. (Definition: Seen around style-deprived waists from about 1988-1999, this atrocity hung low sweet chariot, with a silver tip to give it weight. Some had Native American designs/tuquoise for an even saucier touch.) I know you can't see the belt, hidden under that manilla envelope, but trust me...it's lurking under there.

4. Trollish half boots.

5. The long-strapped mini-purse that would draw attention to my fat thighs by jauntily bouncing against them as I strutted down the streets.

I honestly cannot believe I ever thought this ensemble was acceptable. In fact, not only did I think it was acceptable, but I must have thought I looked damn good. After all, I allowed a photographer to preserve this sartorial wet fart. I sincerely hope I was just drunk the entire time I was in New Orleans and couldn't tell the difference. Forgive me Stacy London, for I have sinned.

Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez!

3 comments:

DF said...

The best part about the 90's half-shirt is that it went with the 90's high-waist jeans.

It's the rock, paper, scissors of fashion. Vagina jeans covers half-shirt.

Anonymous said...

I rocked The Donger with a pair of knee-length, rolled up khaki shorts from The Limited. I was crazy hot.

Anonymous said...

I believe that I once saw Roz sporting the same ensemble.