Monday, April 27, 2009
FAREWELL, BEA ARTHUR
Over the weekend, my favorite Golden Girl Bea Arthur passed away. She was 86. Bea spent the early part of her career on Broadway, and did not appear on television until she was 50, when she was cast on "Archie Bunker" as Edith's liberal relative, Maude. This led to a spin off show called "Maude". But to me, her finest moments were on the "Golden Girls".
As I mentioned in the previous post, I just visited my parents in Florida, and what my mother told me is true: my dad is hooked on The Golden Girls reruns. He tunes in every morning.
The following is my very favorite Golden Girls scene. Anytime you can blend hilarity with a message about safe sex is aces with me. This scene is from a Valentine's Day episode. Blanche, Rose and Dorothy are at the pharmacy before leaving for a cruise:
Blanche: In this day in age it might be a good idea to take along some... protection.
Rose: What kind of protection?
Dorothy: Two armed Pinkerton guards. No, Blanche is talking about... [indicates a nearby counter]
Rose: A Nestle's Crunch?
Dorothy: One over.
Rose: An enema bag?
Dorothy: To the right.
Dorothy: CONDOMS, ROSE! CONDOMS, CONDOMS, CONDOMS!
Cashier: Calm down, lady! You just get out of prison?
Blanche: There's no reason to be embarrassed! Now these are discreet professionals. This is a private matter. Whatever we buy is nobody's business but our own! [picks up a package of condoms off the counter and hands it to the cashier] I'd like a package of these, please.
Dorothy: [grabs another package of condoms and hands it to the cashier] And I'll take these.
Rose: [looks around nervously, then tentatively grabs a random package of condoms off the counter and hands it to the cashier] ...and I'll take these.
Blanche: Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?
Cashier: [speaking into his microphone] JOE, I NEED A PRICE CHECK ON SOME CONDOMS! THESE THREE LADIES HERE WANT A COUPLE OF BOXES OF THE KING GEORGE PROPHYLACTICS, THE LAMBSKINS AND THE ULTRA-SENSITIVE. TWO OF THEM HAVE THE LAMBSKINS, AND THE BLONDE HAS THE ULTRA-SENSITIVE IN BLACK.
BONUS: CONDOMS CONDOMS CONDOMS!