Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Friday, April 24, 2009


The reason there were no posts this week is that I was visiting my parents in Florida. The only item in their home that vaguely resembles a computer is a Word Processor. They even got rid of their 1980's Texas Instruments computer. And their Betamax. It's a miracle that they don't have a rotary phone attached to the kitchen wall.
And having spent these past few days in a pre-1995 universe, I can honestly say I don't know how we did it. I do not look upon those days with great nostalgia. Nay, I marvel at how we withstood such hardship. It's akin to the covered wagon era, when there were no showers and smelly pioneers rolled around in grass to rub off the stench of 10 day old B.O.

Let's look at the pros and cons of our Internet-driven society:


1. The ability to settle arcane movie trivia arguments with ease.

2. Sites like Manhunt take the pressure off of clubbers to find someone to go home with at 3am. Horny denizens can just enjoy their cocktails, then go home alone and choose some equally horny person online. No muss, no fuss.

3. Realizing that there are people in the world like this: SARA AND HER VAGINA CAPE.

4. Online banking alleviates the need to wait in line behind assholes at the bank.

5. Submitting articles to various publications is so much easier. Plus, getting rejected by The New Yorker doesn't have such a sting when it is merely an electronic rejection. No palpable "Sorry, but this piece just isn't for us" letter to rip up.


1. Settling arcane movie trivia arguments the old fashioned way could go on for hours, and would bring up other movies, thoughts and ideas. Then, you'd call up some super smart friend in another state and get them in on it too. This was fun, cheap entertainment. But then again, entertainment options were limited back then.

2. Manhunt and similar sites have changed the atmosphere at certain clubs. They just don't buzz with as much sexual energy anymore. The 3am desperation has decreased.

3. Realizing that there are people in the world like this: SARA AND HER VAGINA CAPE.

4. Online banking means none of those butterscotch candies in glass bowls at the bank. They weren't very good, but it was nice to get something for free.

5. Some writers have a perverse need to keep their rejection slips. There are plenty of stories of broke writers wallpapering their cheap, nasty, Campbell's soup scented apartments with rejection slips. Online submissions and rejections eliminate this option. But frankly, I think those writers need a better sense of interior design.

1 comment:

Lou Waters and Natalie Allen said...

Welcome Back! We missed you!