Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Monday, December 14, 2009


Despite having lived in New York since 2001, I continually fail in all these areas:

1. Walking briskly while drinking a cup of coffee and not spilling it all over myself. Not once have I ever achieved this feat. Yet I keep trying.

2. Hailing a cab with efficiency in the pissing down rain. I'm always completely drenched and annoyed by the time I've managed to score one.

3. Swiping my Metrocard and getting though the turnstile on the first try.

4. Coming up with an appropriate response to, "Hey Blondie" or "Yo Shawty" or "Hola Mamacita" or "I like your shoes. Are you Puerto Rican?"

5. Not being seated at the shitty table by the kitchen/bathroom/bussing station at a chic restaurant.

Not sure how I survive in this town, really.

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