Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Wednesday, June 09, 2010


It occurs to me that people have overlooked some of the lousy messages buried within popular films over the years. Well no more. I'm fed up. It's time to call these classics out, and I'm just the cranky bitch to do it:

1. Forrest Gump: It's better to be naive and ignorant because otherwise you'll get hooked on drugs and die.

2. Pretty Woman: Prostitution is a great way to land a cute, rich guy who buys you lots of expensive stuff.

3. Sixteen Candles: Date rape is totally hilarious!

4. Ratatouille: Rats in the kitchen are adorable!

5. Grease: When you completely change your image and learn to dress like a slut, you get the hot guy and everybody's happy.

6. Dead Poets Society: Pompous, irritating windbags are "inspiring".

7. Patch Adams: Don't be afraid if your doctor is some nutjob wearing a clown nose.

8. Twilight: Pasty stalkers who watch you sleep are "romantic".

9. The Wizard of Oz: If you magically find yourself in a beautiful place with great friends and cool shoes, it's still better to go back to the dusty, dreary shithole you came from.

10. Pretty In Pink: That guy who really loves and understands you, who is sweet, funny and kind? Yeah. Forget him and go for the rich asshole who was too embarrassed to be seen with you.

Have you got one to add? Lay it on us.

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