SNACK POLICY

I recently received a request from someone who had been reading the archives of this blog. They wondered if I had the rest of the READ-ME comments about the "perk or entitlement" argument that erupted over the free Friday cookies at the now defunct CNNFN.
Well of course I do.
It takes work to reach this level of dorkhood.
The argument began after this memo was posted in READ-ME. Keep in mind the caps and punctuation have been copied verbatim from the original memo:

"From this point forward snacks will be ordered on a bi-weekly basis. As the official 'snack orderer', it has come to my attention that most of the people on the 20th floor do not get a single cookie. This is due in large part to others hoarding the cookies by putting four or five of them on their plate or making repeated trips to the breakroom. I'm not your mother, nor will I police the distribution of cookies, but please try to be considerate of your fellow workers. In other words...SHARE! Cookies/snacks are a PERK not an entitlement! They can be cut back to once a month or PERMANENTLY stopped. Please keep this in mind.
Also, when you see me in the breakroom, please give me some space. I'm trying to separate the cookies and round up some for the 21st floor. I don't appreciate being pushed out of the way so you can get your snack. It only takes five minutes at the most. I'd appreciate a little patience. Thank you."

Now, here's a few of the best comments that were posted in response:

-I along with a number of my colleagues, resent the tone of the "Snack Policy" memo. We are adults and don't appreciate being talked to as children. The condescending tone is totally unnecessary.

-You're fired. And give back those cookies in your desk drawer.

-What did we do that was sooo bad that we lost our cookie privileges?

-First fees, then overtime, then the cars, now snacks. What's next? Chairs? Come to think of it, oxygen is kind of a "perk" too.

-I will so miss yelling out to my colleagues every Friday afternoon "Hey our entitlement is here!"

-No one, over the past four years has abused the snack privilege more than I have (okay, maybe Myron has.) No one has been more critical of the recent move toward dry, tasteless and no doubt cheap cookies. So maybe the time has come for us to take matters into our own hands.

-Let's storm the breakroom!

-NOMINATIONS FOR SPECIAL EVENTS BANNER FOR THIS LATEST CRISIS:
Snackgate
Snackwind: When the Cookies Crumbled One Time Too Many

-At least the snack memo was nicely written. Excellent punctuation!
My real mother had a similar snack policy, but then she began attending A/A meetings.

-"Shares of Time-Warner down sharply on rumors of a snack-inspired revolt at Turner Broadcasting..."