Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Monday, October 06, 2008


I have noticed that every four years, flocks of overly-hairspsrayed reporters and politicians descend upon diners and dingy little cafes in small towns, hoping to track down real, honest, hardworking Americans in their natural habitat. During election season, these are the only regular people (i.e. non-pundits) who can shed light on America's political climate. Moreover, if we've learned anything from the last few months, it's that small town Americans are the only "real" Americans. Only small towns represent true American values (cue John Cougar Mellencamp.)

So, reporters from various networks interrupt these hearty folks while they're eating flapjacks and slurping bad coffee to ask them about "the issues". And it's always the same kinds of places, the same kinds of people and the same kinds of answers.

I'm tired of this shit.

Why not mix it up?
Instead of going to Connie's Corner Cafe, why not check in on patrons at:

1. Moe's Taxidermy Emporium
2. Hooters
3. Barney's department store men's shoe section
4. The Castro District in San Francisco
5. The Podiatrist's Office
6. The Liberace Museum in Las Vegas
7. Cheap nail salons in strip malls
8. The gift shop at Graceland
9. Pete's Meat House of St. Petersburg, Florida
10. Any package store in a ghetto part of town

Where else?


Anonymous said...

What about funeral parlors?

Mickey Mouse's red shorts said...

The Swiss Family Tree house at Disney world

Anonymous said...

How about the toilets in any Bob Evans Farms restaurant after a double serving of sausage, biscuits, and gravy?

Liberace said...

I'd love to get polled!