Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Monday, December 08, 2008

SANTA, MAKE IT A PROMISCUOUS KOALA FOR ME!


So-
I have found the perfect gift for that special someone on your list...
For a paltry 40 bucks a year, you can adopt a koala:
ADOPT A WILD KOALA
Cool right?
But I don't recommend adopting just any koala.
There is no finer way of showing someone you care than presenting them with a certificate that states they've adopted Bago Babe, a koala with chlamydia! And look at her--isn't the little tramp cute?
You've also got to make sure to include her description with your gift. You could even type it up in some fancy font, or perhaps write it in calligraphy on an elegant piece of stationary:

Bago...had a very strange offensive smell exuding from her chest, neck, and upper arms that had us a little mystified as to what it could be. She also had signs of staining around her rear quarters, indicative of Chlamydia, and she was also tending to dribble quite a bit.


Bago Babe is my STD ridden holiday dream come true. I love you Bago!

3 comments:

Bago said...

That kid in the picture below looks guilty. I'm not saying I know who did this to me since I was taken from behind, but he looks awfully suspicious.

Editors Note: "Take them from behind" was Tip #43 in Alec's guide to talking to women...and koalas.

After a few glasses of zinfandel Bago said...

Bitch, I don't need your love. Take a fucking number. My milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard.

Floyd said...

I also have Chlamydia and am up for holiday gift adoption.