Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Wednesday, March 04, 2009


Are you sitting down?
Because a Peon Confidential spy just sent me the above photograph, thus alerting me to a tragic turn of toilet events.
As the go-to recipient of all your toilet concerns, I was shocked to see that danger is afoot at the Time Warner Center restrooms.

Some rapscallion committed a misdeed so heinous, so destructive, that management had to slap up CAUTION tape over the crime scene.

So listen up all you Colonel Mustards, Miss Scarlets and Professor Plums, the question is...what kind of evil is lurking behind that CNN stall door? And who is responsible?

Possible Suspects and Crimes:

1. Lou Dobbs: Flushing an illegal immigrant down the toilet

2. Anderson Cooper: Using that stall as a closet

3. Nancy Grace: Holding her producer Elizabeth hostage in that stall

4. VJDutton: Haunting that stall like "Moaning Myrtle" from Harry Potter, mourning my dead CNN career

5. Larry King: Hiding in that stall, fearing world domination by Ryan Seacrest

Do you sleuths have any other theories?


Miss Peacock said...

It was Roz in the stall with the candlestick.

Mr. Green said...

Peacock, you've got it all wrong. If it was Roz, she did it with the lead pipe. I know this, because it's the same weapon she used to stir the brunswick stew.