Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Friday, January 14, 2011


The above photo is what happens when two straight guys from Wisconsin design attire: you get Couch Potato Couture.
You get something worse than the Snuggie.
Because at least the Snuggie isn't pretending to be anything more than a blanket with sleeves.
It is not masquerading as clothing.

What you're looking at here is an abomination called Forever Lazy.
And it is quite literally "100% Anti-Pill Polar Fleece" proof that we have turned into weird, flabby pod creatures who just want to return to the womb.
And not our mother's womb.
A techno-womb of our own creation.

These adult onesies remind me of some futuristic construct where man and woman are not differentiated by our bodies but by the colors of our state-issued uniforms: pink or blue.
The fucked up part is that these Forever Lazy onesies aren't state-issued. People are actually buying them of their own free will.

So the truth is...the future is now.
When we actually leave our pod homes we wander around, oblivious to our surroundings. Instead we are mesmerized by our Blackberries, our ears clogged by earphones piping in music of our choice. We are disconnected to our neighbors, our environment and our bodies.

We shop, entertain ourselves and socialize online. And when we're socializing online, we complain that we are lonely and that no one understands us. Then we step outside and tune everyone out again; ensuring that we will never have to deal with the pressure of actually meeting people in person.

The Forever Lazy is truly a sign of the times. We've become an insular culture of shapeless, formless blobs too lazy to actually connect with our world.

At this rate, we will be Forever Cocooned...But at least we'll be dressed appropriately.

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