Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Wednesday, December 05, 2007


Last night I invited another CNN refugee over for dinner, and the subject of CNN holiday gift selections came up...
Okay, so dinner parties at my place aren't exactly overflowing with Oscar Wilde-style bon mots or rigorous political discussion.
Yeah, I know. So what?
If you don't like it, screw you. You weren't invited anyway.
But you all remember this shitty gift situation don't you?

Like some twisted corporate version of the Sears Catalog, CNN Peons were offered the option of one nasty ass gift from a truly horrid selection, all embossed with the Turner logo. This was in lieu of a bonus. And when you received it, the gift was inevitably even worse than the description implied. How cheap can one company get?
The ones we remembered were:

1. The poly-blend Turner blanket, meant to serve as a picnic blanket, or perhaps to use as an ass warmer at a football game. I believe I selected this one, picturing myself enjoying a delightful picnic with my boyfriend by the lake. We'd laugh, drink wine, smile at small children and cute dogs and eat delicious fruits and cheeses...yeah. The one time I used it was to pack and protect my collection of hideous K-Mart dishes when I moved across the country.

2. The lovely Turner "picnic backpack". What better way to announce to the world;
"I'm a twat. I work at CNN. And I like potato salad."

3. The beautiful Turner anorak. What better way to announce to the world;
"I'm a twat. I work at CNN. And I wear clothes merely to prevent myself from being naked, for I have no taste."

Does anyone remember some of the other options? What did you choose?


Norcross-Bound said...

I've still got an ugly-ass powder blue sweatshirt.
I think I painted in it once.
While it was dark.

Then I still have an ugly desk clock they gave out -- I thought I would re-gift it, but I just couldn't bear to part with it.
Err... I mean, I couldn't bear to give it to someone I wanted to think I cared for.

Close to Cumming, Georgia said...

Wasn't there a travel mug option? I have a hazy memory of leaving my holiday gift mug (half-filled with Hard News coffee) somewhere in the building. I went back to claim it, and somebody had stolen it. I thought about putting something in Read-Me, begging for my mug back, telling the thief to return my gift, no questions asked.
But then I realized how sad that was.
At that point, I really should have started looking for another job.

Anonymous said...

They used to give a voucher for a free turkey at Harris Teeter -- no joke. Confirmed by former peons who started at CNN for $8500/year! Slightly better than a soup kitchen!!!

So Hard to Choose said...

I remember I chose the picnic basket backpack, but I was seriously torn b/c that and the white cotton, Turner-emblazoned bathrobe.

Anonymous said...

I still have a 'Turner' desk clock. Perfect to look at and think about all the time I was wasting as a VJ.

Anonymous said...

Lets not forget the year they gave out cheap wristwatches. About a week after they went out, they all died and half the newsroom was late to work.

Piggly Wiggly gift certificates. said...

I got one of those watches. Yes, it broke within a week. Funny!

Oy the Audio Man said...

In the Techwood headquarters days the Christmas gift was a certificate from Winn-Dixie for a ham or turkey. This led to a post on the Basys system by the Phantom "It's bad enough having to work with hams and turkeys, without being given one to take home.".