Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Friday, April 25, 2008


One of our beloved Peon Confidential readers passed along this bleak missive today.
In compliance with our policy of anonymity, I have removed her name. Nonetheless, the grief can be shared by fellow Peons who have a shred of compassion in their hearts...

It's with great sadness that I deliver the news that my sweet Hymie is no longer with us. I wish that I could say he, maybe she, passed peacefully, but it appears that Hymie got stuck between a rock and a tank and couldn't get loose.

Hymie is survived by his sister/brother/maybe lover Toots and its guilt-ridden mother, who instead of wishing her babies a good morning, would simply say, "you need to die by end of April because Mommy needs the outlet to plug in her A/C, not your filter." If nothing else, Hymie was obedient.

Hymie was also an outgoing turtle, with an appetite for adventure and Repto-Min (turtle food), who grew to twice the size of Toots! Perhaps that's why a) he/she got stuck or b) perhaps Toots finally had enough and murdered her nemesis.

God speed Hymie "da Hym" (LAST NAME REMOVED).
You'll be missed, briefly.

August 2007 - April 2008


Yertle The Turtle said...

R.I.P Hymie!

Anonymous said...

Keep hanging in there Toots!