Thursday, April 10, 2008
SEXUAL EUPHEMISMS: THE DEFINITIVE LIST
Last night I was out with a former CNNer. We were at my favorite Italian restaurant in the neighborhood. I expect you're thinking, "Ah, VjDutton's local Italian restaurant in New York. This establishment must have delightful truffle-infused duck sausage ravioli, understated yet sumptuous decor, opera music at just the right volume and charming waiters direct from Rome."
This red sauce joint is better than that. There are dusty fake plants and colored Christmas lights lining the place, iceberg lettuce salads with gloopy dressing, neon green garlic bread, seven different types of lasagne and...they play the radio over the sound system. As a bonus-- the waiter sings along in his falsetto voice. Debbie Gibson never sounded so good.
The point is, this is how we wound up listening to some Grocery Store Rock staples, one of which has the glorious line:
"I know forever we'll be doin' it, doin' it, doin' it."
So then we decided to name all the euphemisms for sex that we could. Here's what we came up with:
1. The Horizontal Mambo
2. Gettin' Busy
3. Knockin' Boots
4. Hot Beef Injection
5. Makin' the Two-Backed Beast
6. Tipping the Velvet (just learned this one recently)
7. Bumping Uglies
8. Doin' it
Well, then the food came and I tore into my pasta, splattering red sauce all over myself and literally setting my napkin on fire.
So now I need your help. You know what a cunning linguist I am. Let's make the definitive list.