Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


Men, don't listen to your least about masturbation anyway. Turns out it's good for you!
The BBC recently reported that, "Frequent masturbation may help men cut their risk of contracting prostate cancer, according to Australian researchers."

So don't worry about hairy palms or eternal damnation--start slapping that sausage around.
As for you women, you might as well get in on the action too. No health benefits to diddling with yourself that I can see, but name me one other activity that:

A. Has no cover charge
B. Is pleasurable
C. Can be done while watching TV Land reruns of The Love Boat. (Although I actually wouldn't recommend that. I've tried it and can't seem to sustain interest in myself. Who can concentrate on cooch when there's a galaxy of 1980' s superstars like Patrick Duffy, Donna Mills and Loni Anderson?)


DF said...

I think your mistake is trying to rub the genie while watching scenes on the Lido deck. Wait till they get to the Pirate's Cove and let Isaac help you find that sunken treasure.

Gopher said...

I beg to differ. Our show provides excellent masturbation material.

The Master Bator said...

I must have the healthiest prostate in the world!