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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

VERBOTEN AIRPLANE ATTIRE


While at work yesterday, I stumbled across this rather inane article:

WHAT NOT TO WEAR ON A PLANE

I can tell you I have repeatedly ignored at least three of those recommendations.
Flying is bad enough (what with the lack of food) and you're denying me my heels too?
No.
Now, I understand that if I have to go down that rubber slide the shoes come off-but I'll take that risk before arriving in London or Cairo looking like the dwarf that I am sans heels.

So, I came up with my own inane list:

TOP TEN THINGS PASSENGERS SHOULD NOT WEAR ON A PLANE

1. Spandex pants.
I should probably amend this category to include any item of clothing which: a.) does not disguise a boner and b.) encourages camel toe. The reasoning here is that both visible genital protrusions are quite obtrusive to fellow passengers.

2. A sombrero.

3. Leather pants.
These are probably uncomfortable on long flights and make weird farty noises on the leather seats, if you are flying 1st class. (This is not an issue for me, of course.)

4. A clown suit.
Cliched as this sounds, statistics prove that 99% of the polulace fears clowns. The other 1% are assholes, and not worthy of consideration.

5. One of those circa-1990 Madonna cone bras.

6. A toupe.
No reason here except that should the plane go down, your toupe makes your death just a tad undignified.

7. KISS boots.
Really, it's not so easy to go through security in thigh high studded platform boots.

8. Some stupid t-shirt with a stupid phrase on it such as "I HEART TO FART"
If I am sitting next to you on a flight to Bogota, I will be forced to read and reread that phrase for several hours. Have some respect for your fellow passengers.

9. Pantyhose.
Trans-Atlantic flight+pantyhose=rank cooch

10. Yesterday's underpants.

Did I miss anything?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fringed boots.
Tube tops.
Are they dangerous? No, just ugly. No one needs to see that. Flying sucks enough.

Anonymous said...

A butt plug.

Anonymous said...

A gorilla suit.

The person in A14 said...

Lice.

Rodeo Clown said...

ass-less chaps

magnum pi said...

hairshirt

Anonymous said...

Rodeo clown-
Aren't all chaps assless by design?

Rodeo Clown said...

Anonymous,

RE: Ass-less Chaps

I suppose you're right, but as with "Frozen Tundra", I prefer the redundancy. I beg your indulgence.

-Rodeo Clown