Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

CALLING BILLY MAYS



Look closely at that top photo, for it is quite possibly the greatest invention known to mankind.
And it no longer exists.

It is a combination toothpick/earwax spoon.

Apparently, "experts found a tiny gold toothpick and earwax spoon, believed to be more than 385 years old, during the search for a shipwrecked Spanish galleon off the Florida Keys."

How could these multi-purpose marvels have gone out of fashion?

How?

It isn't as though modern technology has delivered us from the combined annoyances of ear wax and bits of gristle in our teeth after a satisfying meal. And the fact that this one is solid gold means you can safely conduct basic hygiene routines while impressing everyone with your wealth.

It seems to me that in this fast paced world we need this combination toothpick/ear wax spoon more than ever. Why isn't Ronco on this?

Picture turning on your TV and hearing this at full volume:

Billy Mays here for the astounding, one of a kind Pickerspooner!
Never before have you been able to both pick your teeth and scoop out ear wax with the same product!
Well with this special offer, available only on TV, those days are over!
Use it in your car!
Impress your friends at a party!
Make mom happy on Mother's Day!
Show your boss how you can multi-task!
You'll never have to endure the embarrassment of excess earwax or unsightly tooth refuse again!

Call now!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

The Pickerspooner is nice, but it's no KABOOM!

Anonymous said...

they should leave the pickerspooner on an anchor desk- -remember some of the "build up" left on the IFB's?

a former audio-spud said...

I had *almost* been able to blot out the images of a certain CNNI anchor who used to put his grotty IFB in his mouth... then his ear.

The pickerspooner comes with a can of spray-air and a microfiber cleaning cloth for the ultimate IFB detailing kit! Call within the next 5 minutes, and we'll throw in at no additional cost a 16 ounce bottle of Funk Cutter, our specially formulated solvent for the most severe anchor-crust! Not available in stores, so call now! $24.95, plus $4.95 shipping and handling! VA residents add 5% sales tax. No COD's accepted.