Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


Just woke up and read this:

Andria Baker has pretty much always been present. From the first day of kindergarten through her last day of high school, Baker somehow made it to school for every day of classes, despite colds and sports injuries. Why? If she kept it up, her father promised her a car.
Baker kept up her end of the bargain, willing herself to go to school on those days when she felt under the weather. She notched her 13th year of uninterrupted classroom attendance with her final day at Constantine High School on Friday. At a party Sunday, her father, Tim, presented the young woman with the keys to a new, $17,000 Pontiac G6, complete with a "0 DAYS" personalized license plate.

You know what my reaction to this is?
What a huge waste of teenage opportunities.
And I know I should applaud this purpose-driven young woman. She had her eye on the prize and she seized it.
But frankly, it is unfathomable to me that there wasn't a single day in her 13 years of schooling where she said "fuck Algebra" and went swimming with her friends instead. She never skipped school to participate in a protest march, or make a secret trip to Planned Parenthood. She never took time off for a crazy, impromptu vacation to Mexico, to go sailing, get tipsy on cheap beer or head downtown to shop for ridiculous vintage clothes.

This doesn't sound responsible to me--it just shows a lack of imagination.

And yes...this is why I'm not a trustworthy adult. Never will be.
So before anyone writes in and tells me what an asshole I am--save it, I already know.


Ferris Bueller said...

Principal Rooney would love this chick.

Jeanie Bueller said...

I bet Andria (with an "i") has a scorching case of herpes.

Anonymous said...

The real asshole is Andria's dad. The soon-to-be next "Girls Gone Wild" vixen only got a PONTIAC? My first car was a Pontiac Sunbird and I loved that bitch. Made missing school to smoke weed and nip off the old man's vodka much more pleasant vs. doing the above mentioned in his gray Dodge mini-van. Morale is, and being the snob that I am, poor Andria should have received an Escalade like the rest of them ho's on My Super Sweet 16. Andria, perfect attendance and a Pontiac doesn't equate to shit in the real world. Please take your ride and at least get to third base in it BEFORE the first period bell rings.