Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Thursday, November 13, 2008

CNN SCANDAL


A Peon Confidential spy just forwarded me an internal CNN memo:


There have been a number of incidents involving vandalism in some of our restrooms, including clogging toilets with hand towels to kicking in doors and removing screws to remove doors off hinges.

This has become a serious problem over the past few months and we have notified Security and they are investigating. If you have questions or concerns, please feel free to contact Security directly...


Any guesses on who this toilet bully is? I've got my money on Ali Velshi.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like Bill Hemmer has been sneaking back into the building.

Encyclopedia Brown said...

There is a missing clue: There is no mention as to whether this is happening in the men's or women's restroom.

vjdutton said...

Excellent point Encyclopedia Brown.
The mystery deepens. What about Candy Crowley? I like the image of her unleashing some crazed, wild-eyed wrath on the bathroom stall.

Ali Velshi's lawyer said...

I'd like to retain Mr. Brown's services for my client.

Matlock said...

This is obviously a two man operation. David Gergen stuffed the toilets with hand towels and Lou Dobbs busted through the bathroom stalls like the Kool Aid pitcher guy.

Anonymous said...

Matlock, I beg to differ. What's obvious is that this whole post is a ruse to cover up the real culprit: VjDutton.

vjdutton said...

Okay, I admit it.
I won't take the blame for all the vandalism, but one dull Wednesday, it was me and Nancy Grace.
The fucking tampon machine was empty, and that really chapped our hides.

turkey tettrazini said...

Has anyone checked on the whereabouts of Roz in all of this?

a former audio-spud said...

Not to worry, the crack investigative team of Linden Soles and Leon Hawthorne are on the beat, checking into Roz's whereabouts and alibis.