Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Don't fuck with these parishioners:

JENSEN BEACH, Fla. – Police arrested a Connecticut man after he tried to steal communion wafers during a church service. The Martin County Sheriff's Office said 33-year-old John Samuel Ricci, of Canton, was cornered by fellow churchgoers when he grabbed a handful of wafers from the priest during communion services Saturday.
The Stuart News reported that Ricci was being held down by six or seven offended parishioners when deputies arrived at St. Martin de Porres Catholic Church in Jensen Beach. Police say two parishioners, ages 82 and 61, received minor injuries in the scuffle.
Ricci was charged with two counts of simple battery, theft and disruption of a religious assembly. He was being held Tuesday on $2,000 bond at the Martin County Jail.

The man was probably just hungry. As you can see from the photo, he doesn't look particularly well nourished. (Or groomed for that matter.) I love that he was "cornered" by fellow churchgoers, as he was clutching excess amounts of the body of Christ. I'm picturing an ornery gaggle of women in floral dresses and pantyhose, their thighs rubbing together and making that "whisp whisp" noise. And as they held him down he was probably suffocated by clouds of Elizabeth Arden perfume and pious outrage.

I'm assuming this guy didn't know that these wafers aren't a taste sensation. I learned this early on, which prompted me to ask why communion wafers didn't come in nacho cheese or barbeque flavor.

I never got an answer, just a stern look.


Frito Lay said...

No one can eat just one.

The Dorito Bandito said...

Eat all ya want, we'll make more.