Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Wednesday, March 07, 2007


So I, along with millions of other losers did not choose the winning lottery numbers for the MEGA MILLIONS jackpot.
But I, along with several other co-workers, did have a rather lengthy list of ways in which we planned on spending the dough. Here's a list of things that we will NOT be doing now:

1.) Being the first Mexican/Egyptian in space.
2.) Building a special glow-in-the-dark laboratory just for "volcanic experiments".
3.) Driving around different Lamborginis (referred to as "Lambos") each day of the week.
4.) Being photographed with "bangin' babes who just want me for my money".
5.) Inventing "weird shit" like "a fart-powered zamboni".
6.) Buying an elephant.
7.) Employing an elephant keeper to clean up the shit.
8.) Employing a HOT elephant keeper with big tits to clean up the shit.
9.) Having a vodka named after oneself.
10.) Buying up a large portion of Wyoming and building a "massive fuckin' mansion...and a 1,000 foot swimming pool suspended in air...with bangin' babes swimming in it."

There's always next time, folks.

No comments: