Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Wednesday, May 30, 2007


I'm posting this a day in advance so you will be sure not to miss this exciting event. According to scientific types who got better SAT scores than me, "Thursday, May 31 brings us the second of two full Moons for North Americans this month. Some almanacs and calendars assert that when two full Moons occur within a calendar month, that the second full Moon is called the "Blue Moon." This time around, the Moon will turn full on May 31 at 9:04 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time (6:04 p.m. Pacific Daylight Time)."

But the most fantastic part about this astronomic wonder, is that according to legend...a Smurf shall be born! Another pal for Lazy Smurf, Handy Smurf, Brainy Smurf, Smurfette, Vanity Smurf, Papa Smurf, Jokey Smurf, and my favorite (because he and the evil Gargamel helped cut the sticky sweetness of this show) Grouchy Smurf.

So, in honor of the Smurf about to be born tomorrow, I am proposing some possible Smurf names:

1.) PERVY SMURF (walks around with permanent blue balls)
2.) BRITNEY SMURF (lip syncs the "La La La La La La" Smurf song)
3.) TRASHY SMURF (born under the same Blue Moon as Britney Smurf)
4.) WHEEZY SMURF (smokes three packs of unfiltered Marlboros a day)
5.) DRUNKY SMURF (often found passed out under a mushroom)
6.) MELLOW SMURF (often found eating a mushroom)
7.) ANCHOR SMURF (completely silent, as there is no TelePromoter in Smurf Village)
8.) CHEESEY SMURF (often called upon by Papa Smurf to torture Gargamel with his extensive collection of Air Supply albums)
9.) SMELLY SMURF (cannot understand why his advances towards Smurfette are spurned)
10.) RON JEREMY SMURF (uses a special dick wheelbarrow to get around Smurf Village)

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