Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Friday, May 04, 2007


I recently used the antiquated phrase "knockin' boots" for comedic effect. (Okay, attempted comedic effect.) I don't even know which crevice of my brain that phrase was hiding in. I was amazed to be able to fish it out so readily. You'd think a phrase like that would be hidden, packed away, inaccessible without a step ladder, like the Christmas ornaments in my over-stuffed closet. You'd think I would have had to wade through other outdated expressions like "talk to the hand" "fly" and "word to ya mother".
Then I wondered: Who was the last person that "knocked boots" in earnest? The very last person, who without a hint of irony, employed that expression to brag about a sexual conquest. Where and when did this person utter this phrase?

I think it must have been some sorry fool hanging out with what he probably referred to as his "posse" in the parking lot of a 7-11 in Jacksonville, circa 1992. He was probably drinking bad beer and wearing Hammer pants. He probably had some type of experimental facial hair. I'm certain he was trying to be a cultural pioneer. Yet, without knowing it, this buffoon had the distinction of laying to rest "knockin' boots". The very last individual to say those words with a straight face. Never again would that phrase be spoken without a giggle or a nudge.

I could be wrong of course. This scenario could have played out in Des Moines or somewhere in the 818 area code. It's amazing to think about all the possibilities. You never know...although I wish I did.

1 comment:

arsenio hall's long fingers said...

Who's in the dog house tonight? (WOOF WOOF WOOF!)
We've got some very special guest stars for you-Bel Biv DeVoe!
That girl is POISON!