Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Thursday, May 10, 2007


I just read today in the Associated Press that the NEWSEUM, a museum of journalism is opening this fall near the Capitol. The ticket price for adults is $17.91, symbolic of the year the First Amendment was ratified. (That's cute, but doesn't change the fact it will be one of the most expensive museums in the area.) Some of the items slated for display are the cell phone used by a student to get footage of the Virginia Tech shootings, and the vest Bob Woodruff was wearing when he was injured by a roadside bomb in Iraq.

So, I started thinking about other artifacts that I would deem worthy of the Newseum. Items worthy of the $17.91 ticket price. In fact, I made a list:


1.) Lou Waters' turquoise ring
2.) The O'Reilly loofah/falafel
3.) Geraldo's mustache
4.) Al Roker's lost fat cells
5.) Katie Couric's lost perkiness
6.) Connie Chung's lost credibility
7.) Ted Koppel's toupe
8.) Lou Dobbs' righteous indignation
9.) Andy Rooney's eyebrows
10.) The Roz Files

I would stand in line for an hour, wearing ill-fitting shoes and pay my last $17.91 for a glimpse of that sublime collection. And I don't think I'm alone on this one.


Anonymous said...

Can we add the vaseline on the "Barbara Walters Oscar Special" camera lens to this collection?

Anonymous said...

Valerie Voss' collection of wigs too.

Anonymous said...

Lou Waters coveted bottle of Vavoom -- handheld mirror too.

Anonymous said...

Steve Bartlestein's crystal meth viles.

Anonymous said...


J said...

Bill Hemmer's broadcast voice, whether he's on the air or not.

Bobby Batista's crossed-eye.

Susan Rook's bag of crazy.

Ted Turner's bag of crazy.

A plate of corn and rice, with a pack of soy sauce on the side.

A wax replica of the Blimpie Nazi (sweat included).

A paystub from 1995, proving that people were actually paid in change.

Anonymous said...

Flip Spiceland's porn collection.

Anonymous said...

The many hairstyles and dye-job's of Atlanta's Monica Kaufman.

Anonymous said...

The Dead Files

Anonymous said...

Hard News Cafe's recipe for Turkey Tetrazzini

Anonymous said...

A continious loop of the CNN blooper reel.

Anonymous said...

A photo gallery of the lone pube found in newsrooms across the globe.

Anonymous said...

The bottle of Windex used to clean Anderson Cooper's glass closet.

allemployeesmustwashhands said...

The paper towel and soap that a certain head honcho is inclined not to use after a stop in the rest room?

Anonymous said...

Rick Kaplan's resume

Anonymous said...

Paula Zahn's black book

a former audio-spud said...

a tube of non-dairy creamer, the old switcher from CNNI's A-Control, and a barf-bag.