Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Thursday, May 03, 2007

SHOCKING NYC REVELATION


New York, we're slipping.
New Yorkers are notorious for thumping our chests, proud to live in a city that consistently finds itself topping all kinds of lists: the best restaurants, most expensive apartments with the least amount of space, coolest bars, loudest alcoholics, craziest neighbors, meanest bosses, and smelliest streets. And if you don't like the boastful attitude, you can go fuck yourself.

So it is with a tear in my eye that I deliver these findings from the American Lung Association. In a recently released report, they found that L.A., the health-conscious city of clean-living yoga fanatics has once again topped the bad air list of most polluted cities in America.
Although being beaten out of the top slot was disappointing, I continued to read the list. I assumed we'd at least be number two or three.
But no!
Lo and behold, I was shocked to read this:

"The Pittsburgh area was ranked as the nation's second most polluted metropolitan area followed by Bakersfield, Calif., Birmingham, Ala., Detroit and Cleveland. Visalia, Calif., Cincinnati, Indianapolis and St. Louis rounded out the top 10."

New York isn't even in the Top 10!
How can this be?
Even Cincinnati kicked our ass!

I guess all that's left to do is pick up the pieces and carry on...

2 comments:

DF said...

Clearly, the Naked Cowboy's music doesn't get counted as air pollution. If so, we'd be a close #2.

Anonymous said...

Hookers, graffiti artists, crack dealers, nudie joints, cigarettes, the homeless and now polluted air.