Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Thursday, June 28, 2007


Last night I came home and there was a message from my mom on the answering machine. Now, I must point out that she habitually leaves weird, random messages. And, despite her obvious Finnish accent, she always states who she is first. As in: "Terve, Aiti-Kaisa here." She must assume that there are hundreds of other 60-year-old Finnish women leaving daily messages on my machine. Messages I've received in the past include:

1.)"You know, that Michael Jackson person...he's really weird."

2.) "All of a sudden, your father won't eat swiss cheese. I don't know why. What's wrong with swiss cheese?"

3.) "I saw on the news that it's raining in New York. Do you have rain boots? Don't be vain about it. I know you like those high heels but there is no reason to ruin good shoes. And everyone knows you're short anyway. You're not fooling anyone."

4.) "I saw that there are bedbugs in New York. Even the fancy apartments have them. I think you should wash your sheets tonight."

5.) "Do you think that John Travolta person wears a wig?"

Anyway, last night I got this:

"Who is this terrible man on the TV that looks like a fat penis? Bald man with a mustache. Telling everyone what to do with their lives and he has a southern accent and looks like a fat penis. I hate him. Why do they let people like this on the TV?"

I don't know. What do you think? Should I give her the number to the Dr. Phil hotline? I'm sure he'd love to hear from her.


Dr. Phil said...

Please don't give this lunatic my number.

Fat Penis said...

This guy must be really handsome and virile

J said...

Fat Penis & Blind Item guy...separated at birth?

ds said...

That is awesome.