Those of you who know me are well aware that I am a huge fan of fart and dick jokes. I know that sophisticated comedians see these as the easy, low brow, cheap jokes. They look down on the lowly fart or dick joke. Turn their noses up, even. I don't care. Just say the words penis, dong, wang, schlong, johnson, tool, boner, unit, drill, love gun, dingaling, pocket rocket and I start to giggle.
I'm laughing now, actually.
Anyway, I say fuck these snobby comedians. It turns out people have been loving fart and dick jokes since the beginning of time. As soon as man discovered fire, he was probably lighting his farts with it:
LONDON (Reuters Life!) - The world's oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests that toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today.
It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."
It heads the world's oldest top 10 joke list published by the University of Wolverhampton on Thursday.
The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- "What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."
In celebration of our Sumerian and Anglo-Saxon ancestors, let's compile a list of quality dick and fart jokes. If you don't have a joke, just write penis.
THE PENIS SONG