Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Monday, August 04, 2008


I don't have the money or inclination to go to the Olympics in Beijing. But it's a damn good thing that I'm a broke bitch with no interest in sports. Because from what I can tell, I'd last all of 28 seconds with the rigid, Draconian, soul crushing, joy stomping rules that have been established for all Olympic spectators:

BEIJING (Reuters) - Do not sleep outdoors to save money at the Olympics. It is banned to "maintain public hygiene and the cultured image of cities." Do not let the stifling summer heat tempt you into streaking, do not get drunk nor set off fireworks nor wave "insulting banners." Anyone with mental illnesses or sexually transmitted diseases is banned. Smoking is not allowed at Olympic venues.

Just who the hell is supposed to go to the Olympics? Mormon families and Reese Witherspoon?


Whidbey Ghost said...

I seem to recall you had no problem streaking, or at least skinny dipping even when the summer heat wasn't stifling.

vjdutton said...

Pay no attention to this "Whidbey Ghost" muckraker.
Anyone who knows what a modest, morally upright, genteel person I am knows I'd never, ever do something so depraved as skinny dipping in Deer Lake while illegally drinking cheap beer and crooning TV theme songs.