Wednesday, September 17, 2008
QUALITY EJACULATE SELECTION
Yesterday I received an e-mail brimming with the glad tidings that a good friend of mine is ready to crack open the top grade ejaculate that she and her spouse purchased. Spermination is about to commence!
"I have a tank full of stuff in my living room which only stays frozen for up to seven days. We're going to bring this tank to my doctor today or tomorrow. No indigo girls ballads, no turkey baster."
She also sent me all of the donor information she had sifted through in order to choose just the right cum. It was truly astonishing. Not only did I read his profile, in which I learned he has "an amazing eye for photography, color, design and ripe fruit", but I gleaned precise details about his nostril flare measurements and cowlick potential.
But best of all was the Staff Impression, in which I discovered that this donor is "friendly, cooperative and easygoing".
I told her it reminded me of the "Staff Recommendations" at Barnes & Noble. And I do not think I've ever been persuaded to purchase "Cujo" because someone named Abigail liked it.
I don't know Abigail.
Perhaps she's an asshole.
I don't care if she thinks "Cujo" is "amazing".
She responded with:
"It's funny...we read a lot of these and obviously what we were looking for was 'this donor is good looking.' So many of the staff people wrote all kinds of bullshit down, not once mentioning looks. If I am paying $500.00 for ejaculate, it better create a nice looking child."
Now that's my kind of jizz shopper.