Monday, September 01, 2008
VINTAGE 1997 VJ FASHION RULES
I was going through some photo albums, looking for pics of pals to embarrass them on Facebook, when I found, tucked behind a shot of me on the CNN set, a dot matrix print out of 10 fashion rules. These were created by another VJ and myself circa 1997. Considering I still wore shoulder pads in 1997, I don't quite know how I decided I was the arbiter of style.
Let's see how many of these rules hold up today:
1. Never buy your perfume from the same place you buy your Tampax.
2. NO WHITE PUMPS. I do not care if it is before or after Labor Day, white pumps are strictly for the tuna casserole set.
3. The fanny pack is the downfall of an elegant silhouette.
4. "Suntan" pantyhose: WHY?
5. Thou shalt always wear a belt if belt loops are showing.
6. Only cooking in the kitchen: NO home perms or dye jobs.
7. On that note, NO PERMS! PERIOD! EVER!
8. Miami Vice is over. No rolling up one's jacket sleeves.
9. If you buy trousers that come with a belt (which in itself is a violation of the fashion rules) THROW IT OUT!!
10. Large breasted women should refrain from wearing very large polka dots. It makes people dizzy.
- I think with the Tampax comment, I was trying to prevent people from purchasing the likes of Lady Stetson, Charlie, and Primo! (the Giorgio knock off.) So, that's a noble effort.
-The belt loops decree must have been drilled into my head when I worked at Express in Seattle during the summer 1991. I think that was one of their policies. Why I adopted any policies from that shithole is another story.
-I cannot believe I was still doling out advice on perms in 1997. Who was getting a perm, let alone an Ogilvy home perm, in 1997? Nobody, that's who.
-And on that note, who was making tuna casserole? (Apart from that woman who insisted upon microwaving tuna at work, thus making the breakroom stink of smelly pussy.)
-I think I violated the "rolling up the jacket sleeves" rule myself on a regular basis. Short arms and no money for tailoring=rolled up sleeves.
-"If you buy trousers that come with a belt"...where the fuck was I shopping back then? No, I don't want to know.