Thursday, March 20, 2008
A NEW ANUS FOR EVERYBODY!
A Peon Confidential reader just sent me a link to this headline:
"Woman Goes for Leg Operation, Gets New Anus Instead"
And no, this story wasn't from The Onion. It was from The Daily Telegraph. This actually happened at a hospital in Germany. The reason given was a "paperwork mix up" between two patients.
A few questions:
1. Admittedly, I'm not sure what a healthy anus looks like. Maybe broken down anuses and tight anuses look very much the same. But if this is not the case-why didn't the doctor see that the patient's old anus was in functioning order and not in need of repair? Did he go to on-line medical school or something?
2. How about the term "new anus"? I realize this implies some type of anal tune up. But imagine if this sorry woman got a donor anus! Can you picture a stockpile of replacement anuses?
3. How much would you love to be the medical professional who had to deliver this news to the patient:
"Uh. Yeah. Your leg is still fucked up. But check out your new anus! Why don't you give it a test drive? Pretty sweet huh?"
4. Where is the sad, incontinent patient who is still awaiting her new anus? Does she feel cheated? Did she get the leg operation?
5. What are the odds that Hallmark is designing a line of cards specifically for this situation:
Just a little note to say,
I heard about your anus today,
You were scheduled for a leg operation,
Instead your sphincter is a new sensation
We hope you enjoy your multi-million dollar compensation