Check it, Peons: Your CNN Humiliation Compartmentalized

Monday, March 03, 2008


Those of you with gmail accounts are well aware of how gmail places ads based on the content of your e-mails. It creeps me out a bit. And as my e-mails include words like pubic hair, crotch rocket and lime jello, I get some rather odd items pitched in my direction.
The most recent one was this: TACO STANDUPS.

Note the description: "Preparation is twice as fast because now you have both hands free. No more balancing act -- no more taco fallout. You'll serve your family and friends your delicious tacos in a visually pleasing, appetizing new way. Everyone absolutely loves new Taco StandUps and I promise that you will too...No kitchen is complete without them."

No more taco fallout! This is the breakthrough I've been searching for.
But it gets better. Intrigued, I checked out the testimonials, where I found Shelly from Kansas, who offered up this glowing review:
"This is a great product. I use them and don’t know how I ever got along without them."

You see that? Now that she has experienced the sheer culinary joy, the incredible life-affirming usefulness of Taco StandUps, Shelly from Kansas cannot fathom a world without them. Pity the poor people in developing nations who have never heard of Taco StandUps. Shed a tear for the downtrodden folk like me, who have been struggling through each day without the aid of Taco StandUps.

But consider this:
Within this website is the key to winning the war on terrorism. When your citizens more interested in Taco StandUps than political and religious zealotry, you have a peaceful nation. When your nation's people are bored and fat, peace is the natural result. When all the nations that are breeding grounds for terrorism find the majority of their citizens are gainfully employed, sitting in cubicles, counting the minutes, putting Dilbert cartoons up on their laminate walls, posting testimonials for shitty products that they don't need and getting paid for wasting company time--that dear readers, is the pathway to peace.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Now that is one righteous pink taco standup.