Thursday, July 12, 2007
LITTER BOX LOONS
There are many days I wake up and feel like a complete loser.
I manage to get through the day by taking solace in the little things.
1.) I am not responsible for the creation of the Squirrel Circus
2.) I have never dated anyone who referred to any part of my body as my "lady ham" "sugar walls" or "beef curtains". (Actually, now that I think about it, I'm probably wrong about the last one. But I think it was meant in jest.)
3.) I don't own any music purchased from a TV infomercial
But today, I stumbled upon a dork-infested goldmine. I have bookmarked it for when I am feeling particularly useless. A woman named Pam Johnson-Bennett has a blog about cats. Fair enough. That's a reasonable endeavor. By the looks of it, she is very successful in her field. But what got me was a post called "Is Your Cat's Litter Box Big Enough?"
The responses were unbelievable.
These people take cat love to a whole new level. A level filled with lunatics.
When I was a kid we had a cat called Big Ed. (He's pictured above with my mom.) He was a tough mother fucker, and we loved him. This cat took his shits out in the woods, wouldn't come home for days at a time, and when he did his ears would be torn up from fights. We rarely bought food for him because he hunted and ate whatever he could find. There was a mutual respect between us. I think if Big Ed had to live with some of the people who responded to the litter box post, he'd have figured out how to use a shotgun pretty fast, and then casually slipped out the back door when the police came around.
A sampling of these litter box responses:
-Help! About once or twice a month, my cat will leave me a little kitty tootsie roll way outside her clean cat box. Sometimes there is a little streak leading up to the tootsie roll, but usually it is just on its own. The other day it was on my bed...
-Kitty may be constipated and is "wiping" to remove the offending "dingleberry."
-Also try trimming the hair around your kitty's rear-end. I keep Harley trimmed because he has long, dense hair and it sure helps. I use cuticle or mustache sissors.
-I have to take my baby in twice a year for an "anal expression" because when she poops the anal sacs don't get squeezed (because she doesn't have a lot of hard poops -- mostly semisoft) and so they fill up and get uncomfortable
-I went to Wal-mart and bought a childrens sandbox and filled it with 10 5 gallon containers of kitty litter. B.B. loves it. The bad part is the dining room table and chairs had to go. Oh well no comes to see me anyway.