CNN'S RESIDENT WORDSMITH

An anonymous tipster just sent in this exchange from yesterday's American Morning show on CNN.
After reading it, I have concluded that:

A.) One should not rely on any Wikipedia entries written by Kiran Chetry.
B.) Kiran Chetry is not the most suitable candidate to manage the leopard exhibit at the zoo.
C.) Kiran Chetry has a pretty hazy understanding of what an anesthesiologist does.

So-
While reporting the story of a leopard that had jumped into a man’s bed, this strained banter between Kiran Chetry and John Roberts took place:
(The video on screen shows the leopard being carted off on a stretcher by animal control…)

CHETRY: I hope that's just euthanized. Yes or no?

ROBERTS: (audible groan) Well, I would think anesthetized.

CHETRY: You mean killed?

ROBERTS: (audible sigh) No. Anesthetized. Euthanized would be killed.

CHETRY: Oh, OK. You're right. I hope they just hit it with a tranquilizer dart and did not euthanize the leopard.

ROBERTS: I would think so.

ROBERTS: The next hour of AMERICAN MORNING starts right now.

BLUE MOON RISING: A SMURF SHALL BE BORN!

I'm posting this a day in advance so you will be sure not to miss this exciting event. According to scientific types who got better SAT scores than me, "Thursday, May 31 brings us the second of two full Moons for North Americans this month. Some almanacs and calendars assert that when two full Moons occur within a calendar month, that the second full Moon is called the "Blue Moon." This time around, the Moon will turn full on May 31 at 9:04 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time (6:04 p.m. Pacific Daylight Time)."

But the most fantastic part about this astronomic wonder, is that according to legend...a Smurf shall be born! Another pal for Lazy Smurf, Handy Smurf, Brainy Smurf, Smurfette, Vanity Smurf, Papa Smurf, Jokey Smurf, and my favorite (because he and the evil Gargamel helped cut the sticky sweetness of this show) Grouchy Smurf.

So, in honor of the Smurf about to be born tomorrow, I am proposing some possible Smurf names:

1.) PERVY SMURF (walks around with permanent blue balls)
2.) BRITNEY SMURF (lip syncs the "La La La La La La" Smurf song)
3.) TRASHY SMURF (born under the same Blue Moon as Britney Smurf)
4.) WHEEZY SMURF (smokes three packs of unfiltered Marlboros a day)
5.) DRUNKY SMURF (often found passed out under a mushroom)
6.) MELLOW SMURF (often found eating a mushroom)
7.) ANCHOR SMURF (completely silent, as there is no TelePromoter in Smurf Village)
8.) CHEESEY SMURF (often called upon by Papa Smurf to torture Gargamel with his extensive collection of Air Supply albums)
9.) SMELLY SMURF (cannot understand why his advances towards Smurfette are spurned)
10.) RON JEREMY SMURF (uses a special dick wheelbarrow to get around Smurf Village)

BEA ARTHUR'S BIGGEST FAN

I'd like to follow up the last post about demographic mysteries with a startling piece of information I just heard from my mother:
Apparently, my father, who in his earlier years lost half of his teeth from playing hockey and the other half from beer-soaked fist fights, who ran the Honolulu Marathon one day after getting surgery, with blood streaming down his thigh as he crossed the finish line, who has at various times in his life told a nun, a kindly kindergarten teacher and a gaggle of sweet-natured hippies to "go fuck yourself", who once set his own broken nose after fighting off a Samoan twice his size outside of Matteo's in Waikiki, who drove my pregnant mother around at 100 miles an hour in his Corvette; this man, now in his 60's has become devoted to watching...
The Golden Girls reruns.

So word to the folks in ad sales...you just never know, do you?

DEMOGRAPHIC MYSTERY

So there I was, watching The History Channel and ironing my clothes. (How's that for an arresting opening sentence? I mean, why else do people move to New York, if not to experience the type roller coaster lifestyle I lead? Bet you can't wait to read what happens next...)

While the program was pretty interesting (Cities of the Underworld) I was more fascinated by the commercials they chose to run. Clearly, no one in ad sales at The History Channel assumes that somebody like me is tuned in. Why? Because back-to-back they ran ads like:

1.) Male Guards. It's like a cupped maxi pad for incontinent men. Now, I have no problem with the product of course. I'm sure it's necessary. It's just that--have you seen this ad? All these senior citizen men are gathered together; out in the wilderness, bicycling, hiking, having the time of their lives, presumably pissing their pants. The tag line, uttered in the same bombastic voice used in movie trailers booms out: "Protect yourself, guys."

2.) Levitra.

3.) Cialis. These ads kill me too. So Grandpa pops a Cialis and is about to bone Grandma. But then the kids and grandkids drop in uninvited! Cut to cheery scenes of all of them eating lunch, playing in the backyard, laughing, enjoying the sunshine. Meanwhile, I'm just waiting for Grandpa to throttle one of them and bellow:
"No more ice cream, no more swing set--just when are you little shits gonna get the fuck out of here? Grandpa's got a stiffy. Now scram!"

The point is, who decided that "Cities of the Underworld" is programming geared towards incontinent men with errectile dysfunction? Are there studies taken? And how are said studies conducted? Seriously, if anyone has some answers, I'd be much obliged if you'd pass them along...

GAY PINK FLAMINGOS EMBRACE FATHERHOOD

Today I'd like to say congratulations to Carlos and Fernando, a gay pink flamingo couple living at the Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust (WWT) near Bristol, England.
According to the Associated Foreign Press, Carlos and Fernando have been together for six years. They "had been desperate to start a family, even chasing other flamingos from their nests to take over their eggs."

The devoted couple were recently rewarded for their brazen behavior, and finally realized their dream of becoming fathers.
WWT spokesperson Jane Waghorn said, "They were rather good at sitting on eggs and hatching them. So last week, when a nest was abandoned, it seemed like a good idea to make them surrogate parents."

Best of luck to Carlos, Fernando and the new chick!

10 ARTIFACTS FOR THE NEWSEUM

I just read today in the Associated Press that the NEWSEUM, a museum of journalism is opening this fall near the Capitol. The ticket price for adults is $17.91, symbolic of the year the First Amendment was ratified. (That's cute, but doesn't change the fact it will be one of the most expensive museums in the area.) Some of the items slated for display are the cell phone used by a student to get footage of the Virginia Tech shootings, and the vest Bob Woodruff was wearing when he was injured by a roadside bomb in Iraq.

So, I started thinking about other artifacts that I would deem worthy of the Newseum. Items worthy of the $17.91 ticket price. In fact, I made a list:

-ALTERNATIVE ARTIFACTS FOR THE NEWSEUM-

1.) Lou Waters' turquoise ring
2.) The O'Reilly loofah/falafel
3.) Geraldo's mustache
4.) Al Roker's lost fat cells
5.) Katie Couric's lost perkiness
6.) Connie Chung's lost credibility
7.) Ted Koppel's toupe
8.) Lou Dobbs' righteous indignation
9.) Andy Rooney's eyebrows
10.) The Roz Files

I would stand in line for an hour, wearing ill-fitting shoes and pay my last $17.91 for a glimpse of that sublime collection. And I don't think I'm alone on this one.

THE NEW ANDY WARHOL DIARIES

I have been fascinated by "The Andy Warhol Diaries" since I was a teenager. (My copy still has the unicorn bookplate that I glued on the first page.) Andy Warhol died in 1987, and these diaries were released in 1989. He had started dictating them sporadically to his assistant Pat Hackett as both a hazy Factory log and a way to keep track of his business expenses. But by 1976 he was calling Hackett every morning to tell her where he went, who he saw and what he did the previous day and night, along with the cost of cabs, magazines and lunches.
These diaries are full of vacuous observations, random thoughts and bitchy, rude, insulting opinions on celebrities and people he considered his friends. When I first read them, I couldn't believe the extreme celebrity minutiae, that nothing was left out. It read like a blog before there were blogs. At the time it seemed odd that someone would want to write down and preserve such trivial things. But the random, useless information about faded glamour and defunct New York nightlife intrigued me.

Soon after these diaries came out, Spy Magazine published an Andy Warhol's Diaries Index, which I tucked into my book and still have. It made searching for your favorite insult/tidbit that much easier, as it provided name, insult/tidbit and page. There are entries like:

-Tiegs, Cheryl: plainness and funny dressing of, 256
-Scorcese, Martin: blood poisoning of, cocaine problems of, 61
-Madonna: "drawing cocks" on pants, 655
-Minnelli, Liza: tacky furnishings of, 202
-Halston: pretending to suck penis and testicles of Erotic Bakery cake, 129
-Cher: having bloated pimply face, having two boyfriends at once, 434
-DeNiro, Robert: "He must be crazy, because he's really fat," 253

Anyway,
I was wondering what Andy Warhol would dictate to Pat Hackett if he were still around today. Especially since there is so much more pop culture to devour now. So I wrote these entries in the style of how he might have chronicled a few months of his celebrity lifestyle last year:


EXCERPTS FROM “THE ANDY WARHOL DIARIES” EDITED BY PAT HACKETT
(IF ANDY WARHOL HAD NOT DIED IN 1987)

MONDAY, MAY 8, 2006
Picked up US WEEKLY. (Magazine $2.99) Read about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. How come no one ever mentions his pock-marked skin? I bet he was a pimply 16-year-old who masturbated a lot. I’m sick of celebrity babies. Boring. Every gossip rag reads like Redbook or Good Housekeeping now.

FRIDAY, MAY 12, 2006
Felt ill. Stayed in bed. Watched “My Super Sweet 16” on MTV. Some girl’s family in Miami spent $150,000.00 on her birthday. Probably her dad’s drug money.

MONDAY, MAY 15, 2006
Lindsay Lohan stopped by the office. We are doing a portrait of her. So many freckles! Sweet, but that white trash scent will never fade on her. She just reeks of it. I don’t care how much Karl Lagerfeld tries to shape her with his queeny fingers.

FRIDAY, MAY 19, 2006
Dinner at Sarah Jessica Parker’s place. They hired a decorator but it still looks cheap. Sometimes I think celebrity decorators are just having a joke at their expense.

SATURDAY, MAY 27, 2006

Went to Central Park. (Cab $8.00 with tip) Overheard a woman saying that the reason there are no garbage disposals in New York is because years ago the city was run by Catholics and they were afraid mothers would abort their babies and put them in the garbage disposal. Is this true?

SATURDAY, JUNE 3, 2006
Glued myself together. Took cab ($11.00 with tip) to Paris Hilton’s party at Bungalow 8. I can’t understand how people think she is a sex symbol. She looks like an afghan hound. She’s skinny, but so dumb! She has a lazy eye. Saw Vince Vaughn on the way out. Looks like a plumber. But I bet he’s got a big dick.

MONDAY, JUNE 5, 2006
Depressed today. Couldn’t work. Watched The Ellen DeGeneres show. Why is she so popular? Lesbians just aren’t funny.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 7, 2006
Lunch at Michael’s with Tina Brown. ($125.00 with tip) Dull journalist types everywhere. Everyone eating Cobb salad. Sat at a table next to Dominck Dunne, so I kept my voice down. What a name-dropper! So tacky.

TUESDAY, JUNE 20, 2006
Madonna tickets for the Madison Square Garden concert came today. Not that excited. She is so tired now. She was so much more fun when she was trashy, with that book of naked pictures and saying “fuck" on David Letterman. Now she’s just some boring, preachy mom, like Susan Sarandon.

FRIDAY, JUNE 30, 2006
Watched Star Jones on Larry King. So deluded. Lost all that weight and still looks bad. At least when she was fat, people would say “She’d be pretty if she lost the weight.” Then she did and she still isn’t. Larry King always looks like he has bad breath.

SATURDAY, JULY 1, 2006
Saw “The Devil Wears Prada” at AMC. (Ticket $10.75) Those clothes were ridiculous. Stale Chanel everywhere. What entry-level fashion industry assistant would wear that? Everyone knows those girls are all trying to look homeless these days, like those twin dwarf Olsen girls from “Full House”.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 5, 2006
Went to the office. Ran into Gwenyth Paltrow on the elevator. She had B.O. I was surprised. It was the second time I’ve smelled it on her. The first time I smelled it I thought she’d just came back from yoga or something. Maybe B.O. is part of her “natural” kick. I guess her husband likes women that smell like B.O.

THE SONIC CONSEQUENCES OF INTOXICATION

Most of us have experienced the embarrassment of drunk dialing. That moment of intoxication when it seems like a brilliant idea to go through your phone book and harass ex-boyfriends, booty call long lost girlfriends, prank call professors and generally abuse this mode of communication in ways Alexander Graham Bell never envisioned...then pass out with your phone in one hand and a beer in the other.

With the age of e-mail, a new threat arrived: drunk e-mailing. This is perhaps worse, because you write horrid, rude, grammatically incorrect shit; telling a friend, relative or co-worker exactly how you feel about their Jamaican vacation, crappy forwarded jokes or ugly kid. You hit "send" with satisfaction...then pass out on the keyboard. When you wake up a few hours later with keyboard indentations on your forehead, you realize the folly of your ways. And there's no way to reverse the epistolary damage. Obviously, drunk texting also falls into this category.

Now, there is yet another drunken minefield:

Drunk Downloading.

While it has not been popularized to the extent that drunk dialing and drunk e-mailing have, it is equally dangerous. I have fallen prey to drunk downloading on many occasions. I will come home from a lovely evening of swilling gin and tonics and decide to get on the computer. I will turn up the i-Tunes. I will start to dance. And by "dance" I mean sway in my chair and wiggle my arms around. Soon I will decide that my music collection is missing something. Yes, I will think, I can no longer drunkenly sway and wiggle in this chair with any degree of satisfaction because I only have a paltry 3,657 songs in my i-Tunes library. And I cannot rest, cannot experience true fulfillment in this chair until the situation is rectified.

In the morning, I am horrified to discover that rectifying the situation somehow involved buying unbelieveably awful music from the i-Tunes store.

If you think I'm exaggerating, consider this:
I woke up on Sunday and found that while drunk downloading I had purchased the following songs:

1.) Right Said Fred's "Too Sexy"
2.) Salt n' Pepa's "I Like to Party"
3.) Naughty By Nature's "O.P.P."
4.) Fergie's "Fergilicious"
5.) Tom Jones' "Sex Bomb"

If that collection of sonic malfeasance isn't enough reason to get my ass next to Lindsay Lohan at A/A, I don't know what is.

KNOCKIN' BOOTS

I recently used the antiquated phrase "knockin' boots" for comedic effect. (Okay, attempted comedic effect.) I don't even know which crevice of my brain that phrase was hiding in. I was amazed to be able to fish it out so readily. You'd think a phrase like that would be hidden, packed away, inaccessible without a step ladder, like the Christmas ornaments in my over-stuffed closet. You'd think I would have had to wade through other outdated expressions like "talk to the hand" "fly" and "word to ya mother".
Then I wondered: Who was the last person that "knocked boots" in earnest? The very last person, who without a hint of irony, employed that expression to brag about a sexual conquest. Where and when did this person utter this phrase?

I think it must have been some sorry fool hanging out with what he probably referred to as his "posse" in the parking lot of a 7-11 in Jacksonville, circa 1992. He was probably drinking bad beer and wearing Hammer pants. He probably had some type of experimental facial hair. I'm certain he was trying to be a cultural pioneer. Yet, without knowing it, this buffoon had the distinction of laying to rest "knockin' boots". The very last individual to say those words with a straight face. Never again would that phrase be spoken without a giggle or a nudge.

I could be wrong of course. This scenario could have played out in Des Moines or somewhere in the 818 area code. It's amazing to think about all the possibilities. You never know...although I wish I did.

SHOCKING NYC REVELATION

New York, we're slipping.
New Yorkers are notorious for thumping our chests, proud to live in a city that consistently finds itself topping all kinds of lists: the best restaurants, most expensive apartments with the least amount of space, coolest bars, loudest alcoholics, craziest neighbors, meanest bosses, and smelliest streets. And if you don't like the boastful attitude, you can go fuck yourself.

So it is with a tear in my eye that I deliver these findings from the American Lung Association. In a recently released report, they found that L.A., the health-conscious city of clean-living yoga fanatics has once again topped the bad air list of most polluted cities in America.
Although being beaten out of the top slot was disappointing, I continued to read the list. I assumed we'd at least be number two or three.
But no!
Lo and behold, I was shocked to read this:

"The Pittsburgh area was ranked as the nation's second most polluted metropolitan area followed by Bakersfield, Calif., Birmingham, Ala., Detroit and Cleveland. Visalia, Calif., Cincinnati, Indianapolis and St. Louis rounded out the top 10."

New York isn't even in the Top 10!
How can this be?
Even Cincinnati kicked our ass!

I guess all that's left to do is pick up the pieces and carry on...

THE DEFINITION OF ROZ

Who's this dignified fellow with great hair? Why it's Noah Webster of Webster's Dictionary fame, that's who.
I've chosen to post his likeness because today we need to provide a definition.
I knew this day would come, and I am willing to step up to the plate. But I need help.
Last night I received an e-mail from a student at NYU.
(I'd like to point out that this is the second college student who has e-mailed me about this blog. Is Peon Confidential on some sort of educational resource list?)

Anyway, this student wrote:

"I love your blog...I read almost all your posts, but there's one thing I don't get. What's the deal with Roz?"

Well well well...
What IS the deal with Roz?
The short story is that she was a bitchy/funny/rude CNN cafeteria employee with a cool accent.
The long story is that she was a legend, a mascot. A beacon of hope. She was a symbol of the old school, mom n' pop vibe at CNN. A victim of corporate injustice and apathy.
She was a lover and a fighter.
She knew when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em and when to run.
She was like the wind through my tree.

Anyone else have something to add?

BLIND ITEM #6

Breaking News:

Remember Blind Item #4? The one that was removed by request?
Well the joker in that item is about to pay the piper. Sources say divorce is just around the corner.
No need to suspend disbelief on this one folks. This lonely man is about to get a little bit lonelier...or maybe not. He does like to keep it all in the family.
Just remember-you read it here first.

PUBIC ART

I love maintaining this blog, mostly because of the remarkable readers it attracts.
Show me another blog on the entire World Wide Web that would inspire a concerned Good Samaritan to send in a beautiful picture like the one above.
Take THAT Perez Hilton!
In response to the jarringly ugly Lone Pube sketch I drew last week, a gentle soul sent me this amazing work of art with the inscription:

"Seeing as to how your drawing caused some anguish, I decided it was only proper to provide a 'real' image of the mysterious ringlet.
I give you the artist's rendition of 'The Lone Pube.' Note: Beer not to scale."

Thank you Lone Pube Artist. You know who you are. Your work soothes weary eyes and provides a sense of calm to the tired, over-worked masses.

A thousand blessings to you for sharing your sweet, sweet talent.

SPERM WHALE TEETH SCANDAL

Let's file this under, "You learn something new every day."
I just read this revelation on the AP News Wires:

TWO MEN ADMIT TRAFFICKING SPERM WHALE TEETH

"The former director of a whaling museum and an antiques dealer pleaded guilty Thursday to illegally importing hundreds of sperm whale teeth from England and selling them to U.S. merchants.

Lewis Eisenberg, 61, the former director of The Whalers Village Museum in Lahaina, Hawaii, bought many of the teeth and resold them to collectors of scrimshaw, an art form in which designs are etched into whale bone. Eisenberg, of Oak Harbor, Wash., sold teeth he got from antiques trader Martin Schneider for more than $45,000.

Schneider, 60, of Blue Bell, Pa., got the teeth of the endangered whale in Britain and smuggled them into the country by hiding them among other goods he was importing. Prosecutors said he sold a total of $500,000 worth of teeth from 1995 to 2005.

Wildlife smuggling is a multibillion-dollar illegal industry. Federal officials describe it as the second-largest black market, behind only narcotics."

Now, I am really in shock over this issue, for a variety of reasons:

1.) Oak Harbor is on the Northern end of Whidbey Island. I was raised on the Southern end of Whidbey, and we never had much cause to go to Oak Harbor. Now you know why. There are evil sperm whale teeth traffickers lurking up there.

2.) Sperm is a funny word.

3.) I cannot believe that sperm whale teeth and crack comprise the biggest black markets. How is this even possible? In all these years, the media focus has only been on the threat of drug abuse. No one, not even Connie Chung has ever mentioned black market sperm whale teeth. Doesn't anyone care about our nation's children? Why didn't Nancy Reagan tailor her "Just Say No" speech to include this crippling scourge?

This has all the makings of an Anderson Cooper 60 Minutes expose.

BRAVO, PEON CONFIDENTIAL!

While this blog is generally a useless montage of crass fart jokes, Dockers insults, pubic hair sightings, Bigfoot tracking, stories of masturbating tresspassers, bad ass fuckin' turkeys and VJ shame, we did manage to do something worthwhile. I received another e-mail from my favorite student at the University of Michigan. He said thanks for all your input on the VJ program. Moreover, he's going to give it a shot! We've managed to convince him, despite our bitching and wacky, humiliating memories, to apply for CNN peonhood. I think applause is in order. You've helped inspire someone to head to Atlanta, don those uncomfortable head sets, risk paper cuts while delivering scripts, scrape by on whatever shitty salary they're offering now and enter into the big, crazy world of the original Cable News Network.

Buried at the end of "The Peon Life: Calling All Advisors" responses, he also asked if any of you knew any CNN recruiters. Naturally, someone responded that the only recruiter they knew was Roz, but she had left. I told him I was pretty sure it is an online process. But if anyone has any other ideas, please post 'em.
You might as well take this opportunity to do something useful on this blog. It is probably the very last time it will happen.
That's right:
Today you can help a bright young man on his career path.
Tomorrow, it's back to the meaningless crap you've come to expect here on Peon Confidential.

THE LONE PUBE SIGHTING

A few posts back, I asked anyone who had encountered The Lone Pube in an unexpected place to send a photo or draw a lovely sketch and send it in for all to admire.
Well, I just checked my e-mail account and found this:

"I saw the lone pube last night. And you're right----it was just one. I guess pubic hair does not like to travel in packs.
Basically, I went up to the bar to get more beer for me and my friend. When I came back and set the beer down, my friend started downing his right away. He likes to handle his beer like he's worried someone will steal it. Then I looked at the table and I saw it---the lone pube---sitting next to my beer. I have no idea whose pube it was. All I know is that I have experienced the mystery of the lone pube first hand."

Okay-
While this is a stellar example of The Lone Pube phenomenon, this tipster did not include photographic or artistic evidence. So I had to take matters into my own hands. See the sketch above, in which I have rendered an approximation of this Lone Pube sighting.

However, in order to avoid similarly incompetent, unskilled and downright unattractive sketches in the future, please include visuals with your Lone Pube descriptions. Seriously. Look at that sketch. Do you really want to see ugly shit like that again?

I thought not.

ROZ FLAME SHINES ON

Whomever wrote the second response on the Larry King mugshot post: kudos!
You made me laugh until I started making weird pig noises.
More importantly though, you should be commended for your noble deed: keeping the Roz flame alive!

VINTAGE CRIMINAL

Larry King's mugshot is a work of art.

BLIND ITEM #5

A much-celebrated CNN talking head has a sullen moment Thursday night during commercial break. He admits to being lonely. The crew is stunned, so they start joking around with him to cheer him up...and offer to take him to Scores Gentleman's Club.
This talking head replies, "Scores? What do they have there, whores? I don't like loose women."

The crew assures him there are no whores there, but he could get a lap dance.
But this offer doesn't entice him either. Just before going back on air he makes it clear: he doesn't like lap dances, or loose women...He prefers bisexual women.

FAMED HASHSLINGER ROZ-UPDATE!

This is so exciting, I can scarcely take it. Honestly, I am grinning like a buffoon as my stubby fingers clack away on this keyboard.
A CNN Atlanta spy sent me an e-mail that simply stated:
"Someone was kind enough to load this into Read-Me again today."
Within that e-mail was the unadulterated version of a 1998 classic known as...
The Roz Files.
Previously, I only had the condensed version. I must have printed it out before it reached its full, delicious fruition.
This spy also told me (and I fucking LOVE this) that whenever there is a "Read-Me bitch session" now, someone always adds:
"What would Roz do?"

Now, brace yourselves. This version of The Roz Files is messy, wild and wooly. People just randomly inserted various comments into different paragraphs, and the grammar is willy nilly.
It's not for the faint of heart.
And I'm only cleaning it up a bit. Just enough to make it legible for any non-CNNers who read this blog. I took out some of the entries that had been published in the previous Roz Files too. And to anyone who doesn't know about Roz, let's just say she was a Hard News Cafe legend. All tales of Roz should be cherished, preserved and passed down to the next generation.
So here it is--The ROZ FILES, part 2--ready for your enjoyment:


A PETITION HAS BEEN STARTED - IF YOU WANT TO SIGN, MESSAGE...

*** BUT DON'T MESSAGE IF you are going to be mean***
Thanks to all who support our fellow employee.

Roz was a nice person. She had a different sense of humor and she will be missed.
All we have now is employees who sit at the food tables and ask us what we want from there...they like an invitation to the food line so they can serve!!! Never seen anything like it...I feel like I am disturbing their fun!

The food is terrible, prices are getting worse. And the Marriott staff act like they are doing us a favor. They all have an attitude with a mean streak, and can't wait to charge us for utensils and empty cups...

If this is what you like then this is a chat room...

BUT IT IS NOT A JOKE YOU GUYS...I WOULDN'T MIND SEEING THE OLD HARD NEWS BACK...it is truly an unpleasant trip to the cafe when I have to go!

Whatever happend to Stony & his 40 Watt hotdogs @ the old SideDish @ Techwood? Now *there* was a petition worthy dude!

WHO BROUGHT THE COOL GUY??????....

---This File was Started because a few people "Cared." Many people put childish comments in here and that in itself is "UNPROFESSIOnAL."

You should keep your negative comments to yourself. YOU are not the Professionals I thought I worked with.

YOU are such a professional that you have time to start a petition about someone that no one cares about ever seeing again in their life.

No--this file was started because one person was so self-righteous, out of touch, & sanctimonius as to be unable to accept a simple, inconsequential fact of life, & instead try to overblow it into some pseudo cause we should all rally 'round.

Give it a rest, Evita...

LIGHTEN UP....THIS IS FUNNY!!!!!!

WE DONT WANT ANYONE TO HAVE FUN HERE.

IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE WHO FEELS AS I DO, THAT THIS IS UNFAIR TREATMENT OF A LONG-TERM, DEDICATED, HARDWORKING EMPLOYEE, MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD. THEY SENT THE SURVEYS BECAUSE THEY WANT FEEDBACK. WELL I SAY GIVE THEM FEEDBACK, AND GIVE IT OUT LOUD!

Where does one get a survey to complain about this? who is the manager of Hard News so i can complain directly?!

I WAS TOLD TO WRITE A LETTER TO ALEX FRASER OR ROBERT FLINN WITH TURNER PROPERTIES- THEY ARE THE ONES WHO ARE IN CHARGE OF THE MARRIOT AND HARD NEWS.
AND LETTERS ARE USUALLY THE MOST EFFECTIVE.
I THINK A PETITION MIGHT BE EFFECTIVE, AND MAYBE EASIER THAN INDIVIDUAL LETTERS.

do we have a little too much time on our hands?????????

FUNNY, THAT WHEN SOMEONE TAKES A SECOND TO NOTE WHEN AN EMPLOYEE AND FRIEND OF LONG STANDING DEPARTS, PARTICULARY IF IT IS AGAINST HER WILL, THERE ARE THOSE WHO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT (AS JUST ABOVE). ROZ WAS AN ECLECTIC AND WARMHEARTED FREIND OF MANY OF US AND HER REMOVAL IS JUST ONE MORE EXAMPLE OF THE RAW DEAL WE EMPLOYEES GOT FROM THE NEW MANAGEMENT AT THE CAFE. SHE WILL BE MISSED; THEY WILL NOT.

I agree with the above statement. Rosalyn is always friendly and funny. I hear her greet almost every Hard News Cafe patron by name each day and she is always genuinely interested in how they are doing.

-----NO ONE spit in the food with more style!----

All I ever heard out of her was when she would sarcastically read back what you bought and how much it cost! I'm sure she received SEVERAL complaints against her for THAT.

You know, I've heard a lot of complaints about the attitudes of the workers in the Hard News, but I personally have never had a problem.

I suspect the workers reflect back to the patrons the attitudes the patrons bring in.

And I suspect the State Department is chock fulla COMMUNISTS!

WELL, HERE'S AN ALIEN CONCEPT... HOW ABOUT MAINTAINING A PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE DESPITE WHAT KIND OF ATTITUDE YOU GET FROM YOUR CUSTOMERS? AFTER ALL, IT'S A BIG OLD WORLD OUT THERE WITH ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE IN IT, WHICH MEANS THERE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE A FEW HUMANS WHO ARE GOING TO WALK INTO YOUR LIFE WITH BAD ATTITUDES. WELCOME TO LIFE ON PLANET EARTH. DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT GIVES EMPLOYEES OF ANY ESTABLISHMENT THE RIGHT (READ THAT: EXCUSE) TO MIRROR SUCH BAD BEHAVIOR?

I have seen her be very nice to some people, but overall my experience with her was not. I personally won't miss her. Bring Albert to days.

God, Albert? Please.

I second the above, I saw her ignore people all the time, and make a big deal if she had to get up out of one of those chairs to do her job. I say she should stay over where they put her. Management finally got it right.

I heard she shot a man in Reno --just to watch him die --

Yeah! I heard she liked to beat little children too!

Well then I guess you should feel vindicated then. She was always nice to people who were nice to her, and was one of the few people in that place who actually had personality. Those jobs arent glorious ones and if you ever took the time to be nice to her you might have found out just how kind she really was. but true , anyone who gave attitude got attitude back. everyone deserves respect, even food service employees....

...but not newsroom employess

...yeah, especially those writers!!

Respect here? Now that is truly funny.

I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU... FOOD SERVICE EMPLOYEES DO NOT HAVE THE OPTION OF "GIVING ATTITUDE BACK." RATHER, THEY HAVE THE OBLIGATION TO CONDUCT THEMSELVES PROFESSIONALLY AT ALL TIMES. THOSE WITH SELF-RESPECT (WHO DO NOT DEPEND UPONTHE RESPECT OF OTHERS BUT MAINTAIN THEIR OWN SELF-ESTEEM DESPITE WHATEVER ATTITUDE THEY GET FROM OTHERS) OPERATE BY SUCH RULES, AND I FOR ONE SALUTE THEM FOR THAT. THE OTHERS WHO CANNOT MANAGE TO DO THAT ARE INVITED TO WORK ELSEWHERE.

Reno... I'm thinking of heading there myself later this year. Can anybody recommend a place to stay?

Try Roz's Renoforum: "High prices, low quality--and the 'attitude' is always free!"

That is SO not the subject here. Let's get back to what's important: Fighting This Move!

I NEVER MET ROSE, BUT WITH A NAME LIKE HERS...I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE'D GET THE BOOT. LORDY.

OH PLEASE. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME WE GOT ANYTHING FOR FREE
Well, there's the Braves coupons and the Hawks coupons and the choice of gifts at holiday time and the $500 bonus .......

FREE????? I USED TO THINK THE JELLY IN THE HARDNEWS WAS FREE, BASED ON THE FACT THAT NO ONE EVER CHARGED ME FOR IT...BUT THEN ONE DAY ROZ TURNED ON ME, AND NEARLY ATTACKED ME FOR NOT PAYING FOR MY CONDIMENTS....AND SHE POINTED OUT TO ME THAT "NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS FREE, BABY! DONTCHA FORGET DAT! WE DON'T OWE YOU NOTHIN'!" PERHAPS SOMEONE SHOULD REMIND HER OF THIS....

ROSE? WHO'S ROSE?

Now that we've all had our little fun and gotten completely off the subject, I think we need to do something about this situation. There is something bigger here than whether or not you felt she was nice enough. How would you
feel if your boss came to you and told you that you were going to be transferred and there was nothing you could do outside of quitting.....

ACTUALLY, THE STANDARD CNN EMPLOYMENT CONTRACT GIVES THE COMPANY THE RIGHT TO DO EXACTLY THAT. (HOLD ON....I WOULD REALIZE THAT I HAD NOT PERFORMED MY JOB TO THE EXPECTATIONS OF MY SUPERIORS AND MY CUSTOMERS, AND BE THANKFUL THAT I WAS NOT FIRED. I WOULD ALSO REALIZE THAT I AM NOT OWED A JOB, THAT JOBS ARE EARNED, AND JOBS ARE NOT ALWAYS EASY TO KEEP...)

Marriott has quietly gotten rid of almost all of the employees that worked n the old Hard News Cafe. There are only 3 left. Is this ironic or what.

(WHAT IS IRONIC IS THAT YOU THINK THERE IS SOMETHING COVERT GOING ON HERE...THE SIMPLE FACT IS THAT ROZ AND THE OTHERS WHO HAVE BEEN LET GO OR TRANSFERED WERE NOT DOING WHAT WAS EXPECTED OF THEM. QUIT EXCUSING POOR PERFORMANCE TO THE FACT THAT THE JOBS SUCK! SO WHAT? NO ONE MADE THEM TAKE THE JOB....OUR "BOOMING" ECONOMY CLINTON KEEPS CONGRATULATING HIMSELF FOR SURELY HAS A BETTER PLACE FOR THEM!)

Did you ever notice the republicans in congress always take credit for the booming economy, until a negative aspect comes up. Then it's all Clinton 's fault.

How many of you can say that the new employees in the cafe have any personality or know you be name or let you come back if you are short with your money ???
If anyone noticed, the morning shift in the cafe seems to be the worst as far as not greeting you as well as not even asking "may I help you?" when you are standing in front of the line to order your food. They look at you like you're
crazy until you speak and let them know what you want......
(ON THE OTHER HAND, ROZ SPOKE TO YOU LIKE YOU WERE AN IDIOT, OR A BOTHER...NO MATTER IF YOU SPOKE TO HER OR NOT.)
It's time we stop being silly and start being serious, otherwise we are going to be laughing while the marriott continue to do as they please and we have no recourse but to take it or brown bag it, and if this happen, don't even think about bringing anything that needs to be warmed in the microwave, that may be the next victim..... and having cold sandwiches or even donuts.

ROZ... IS THAT THE ONE WHO ALWAYS SAID "MMMMMM HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM" ???

Was she the real loud one?????????????

Are we talking about Rose the weather lady that "left"?!
That Rose went back to Rhodesia ...

I heard that HardNews was gonna start charging for AIR--The voices in your head told me so!
The voices of the millennium?

People get transferred in their jobs all the time.

YEAH, LIKE MONICA!
Wait a minute, that Kaufman anchor @ 'SB got TRANSFERRED!?
Surely you aren't suggesting Rose was having some sort of Monica problem?

ROZ... NOT ROSE!!! THERE IS NO ROSE...PLEASE TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY!!! [as if]
Okay, but not TOOOOOO seriously... all right, Cha-cha?

This is funny, but I thought the people who worked here would be a little more mature than this.

How immature of you to think that, punk.

You're the one reading it, cool cat.

-I just love this chatroom... Hey age/sex/location check?
-19. Female, CNN newsroom, Blond, Blue eyes, Looking for an older man that likes to take walks in the park, and cook.

HEY WHO'S THE 19 YEAR OLD? TELL US MORE!!!

-42. Female, Hard News, unemployed, bitter, and ready to quote prices back to customers sarcastically. Recently been moved against my will.

Wasn't there a Brady Bunch episode about a petition?

Mmmm Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

My favorite Brady Bunch episode was when the boys and girls were trying to scare each other out of using the attic for a bedroom! What a riot!!

I like the one where Alice elopes with Sam the butcher!!!! Or when the dog runs away.

REMEMBER WHEN JAN GOT THE JOB AT THE ICE CREAM PARLOR? WAS THAT PARLOR RUN BY MARRIOTT, TOO? I ASK CAUSE SHE DID NOT LAST LONG AT THE JOB....

OW!! MY NOSE!!!!!!!!!!

NO, that's Rose!

Maybe Roz or Rose for that matter can work for the Bradys? Alice has retired.

I think the Brady's retired!

Once, Roz said to me "Oh don't you look nice today for a change... all dressed up with a shirt and tie." I wear a shirt and tie every day. It really hurt my feelings. But I will miss her accent as she sarcastically quotes prices to me.

FOR SOME REASON SHE ALWAYS CALLED ME "TROUBLE-MAKA", BUT I NEVER FIGURED OUT WHY I WAS ONE.

The truth is, YOU all can't accept the truth. The truth hurts my feelings too! Maybe Roz got you confused with a guy who looked like you who didn't wear a suit and tie...
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

Well, I hardly spent time in hard news, but her name is Roz and she was the only one who would say hello and not charge me for a knife and fork.

--I hear Roz is taking the CNN Audio test on tuesday, She has a good shot too.

Now who was this chick?? And no more of that wacky talk about moving Albert to days!

YEAH! I heard that guy is so mean, he beats his mother for fun.

You people are sick. You must have eaten @ the HardNews! Roz is a real human being.
SHE IS NOT--SHE's a FREAKIN SAINT!!!
--St. ROZini of HardiusNauseum!
...And she has Braves vouchers for trade.
--I guess Roz isn't a candidate for one of those, "I'm Watching You CNN" promos.
PROBABLY NOT..... sounds like she wasn't watching anything.
--Maybe we could have just dashed out with our food while she was insulting someone else.
I hear she is seeing an anchor at CNNI and is in line to become one herself...